My Thoughts ☆ Diary

☡ 11/28/18 ☡

I'm writing this to let some emotions out

I have no one awake to talk to and distract my mind since it is 2 : 30 in the morning

But . .

I just have this overwhelming feeling of suicide and I never feel sad anymore

I never know if I'm depressed

I never know anything anymore

When I'm happy ? Well . .

I can feel that but it has been rare for these last two ? Weeks

I'm not searching for pity , I'm not searching for attention , and I'm not searching for someone to be fake to me

But i can't take this anymore . .

I really really can't and I've already done terrible things . .

I'm this horrible human being . .

I'm not pretty , I'm not smart and I'm not fun

I'm ugly , stupid , a burden , annoying , scarred , broken , destroyed , disgusting , sick person

Am honestly -

Those don't describe half of what I am . .

I always am this way

I changed , sure -
But I'm still on this Damn cycle .

This stupid - repetitive cycle -

I want to die

I'm so sick and tired of living but I have someone to live this hell for -

I just -

I hope I'm living and fighting for a good reason ^^

Cause if nothing I have now lasts like I imagined or even wanted

Then I'm not living this nightmare anymore . .

I won't fight
I won't struggle
I won't try

As of now the darkness is closing in on me and it's taking over just like it use to -

How do I know ?
I have plenty of evidence with me -