i am struggling
and only my boyfriend sees it
he confirmed the fact that winter makes me s.a.d
and it does i guess i just never admitted it before
but how can i not
i've been dealt a shit hand
and every time i try to find an ace,
i get let down.
I.
lets start with the job
or lack thereof
i have submitted application
upon
application
and every time i get an interview
i get called back
but i end up leaving jobless
II.
i just moved
i have no friends
and the ones i do have
seem like they have forgotten me
or they too moved
i am so alone
i am depending on my boyfriend
and my dad
for comfort
for human connection
it's so lonely when they both work full time
III.
my health insurance is no good
which makes it hard to find
a therapist
and even if i got an appointment
(which i still don't know how to make
on my own)
it'd cost an arm and a leg
to see them more than 3 times a year
(effectively omitting the opportunity for
any other appointments that i may need.)
IV.
my boyfriend
stands by my side
even when frustration bubbles over
and i take it out while driving
or on him
and yell a bit more than i should
i am devastated by this fact
i was told i could make up for it
by applying to more jobs
V.
i feel like a stranger
in this house
although i tell my dad it's a home
it doesn't feel like it.
this winter is off to a rocky start
and i don't know how i'll manage the rest of it
spring,
i beg of you
come soon
please.
