Lovely Rain (Milex Oneshot)

Lose you to the sand.

Miles

I feel it all. I feel the wind rip through and tousle my hair. I feel the small drizzles of rain hit my face. I feel his hand in mine. His hand. Dark, doe eyes, a sharp jawline, full lips. I can feel him. But he's not here. He never will be. I never want him to be.

A small crush turned into what I think is the end of the world and I don't even know if I want it any other way. He thinks I'm nice. He thinks I'm just quiet and shy. Little does he know I only stay silent around him because I'm thinking about what my life would be like if he were to be a significant part of it. I wish he saw me as a potential lover instead of a friend. I don't want to be friends anymore. He's too perfect for that.

Waves nip at my bare feet and my throat is sore and raw. I just keep yelling into the ocean, waiting for it to yell back. I want a sign. I want something to tell me what to do. God only knows I can't make up my mind on my own. Tears steadily run down my cheeks but I pay no mind to them, letting them fall where they please. I feel a firm grip on my shoulder and it makes me jump.

"Miles! Come inside! It's fucking freezing out here." Jamie tugs at my arm towards his grandmother's beach house. A large group of us asked ever so politely if we could have it for the summer and since she's such a nice lady, she wholeheartedly agreed. Needless to say, we trashed it already and we're only a week and a half into the holiday. I haven't taken part in much of the partying though.

I almost didn't join them when I found Alex Turner would be coming. I didn't think I could handle being around him constantly for that long and somehow not letting it slip that I've been completely and utterly in love with him. I've done alright so far, but as I've mentioned we're only a week and a half into the summer.

Hopefully Jamie didn't hear me screaming ar the waves. He probably did considering he was out looking for me. We silently walk through the sandy trails in the steadily growing rain. I'm afraid to speak. I know he'll make me spit out whatever's eating away at me. I'm not too fond of that idea.

Soon enough, we're inside and he's wrapping a blanket around my small frame. The rest of the guys are loudly joking around in the livingroom, but I ignore them and walk straight up to the room I claimed as my own with tears in my eyes. I make no attempt to change out of my soaked clothes as I sit down on the floor and stare at my hands. What now?

Slowly, my door creaks open and Jamie appears with a worried expression written across his features. He closes the door behind himself and sits down next to me. I lean my head on his shoulder to let him know he's done nothing wrong. Hopefully he understands my gesture.

"Everyone was wondering if you wanted to come down and watch a movie with us." He hints but I just close my eyes, take a deep breath and sigh loudly.

"I think I'll just stay up here for the night." It's usually unlikely for me to refuse hanging out. I'm normally a warm and inviting person or I at least try to be. Something about Alex barely knowing who I am just causes me to shut in on myself though. I can't deal with it.

"What's going on with you lately, Mi. You're not usually like this." I know I've been out of character, but hearing Jamie vocalize his worry crumbles me completely. I'm so tired of keeping this up. It weighs so heavily on my chest all the time and I need to tell someone but I can't. I shouldn't.

But the way Jamie looks at me with the upmost concern, it tumbles out of me as if it's broken the leashes it's been trapped in for years. Tears fall for the second time in this hour and I cover my face with my hands. There's more than just him knowing about my hopeless crush on the line here. It's not like he know's I'm gay. I wasn't planning on him ever finding out either.