Things I Never Said / Brian May.

A New Beginning

Click. Click. Click.

I sat at the kitchen table, anxiously clicking my pen as I searched through the ads in the newspaper. I needed something, anything to help me pay the bills.

My move to the UK had been an incredibly last-minute thing. But I was lucky enough to have a friend, Sarah, who was letting me stay with her. However, I didn't know how long that would last. I needed a job, I needed to pay my own bills. I had gotten my money sorted out so it was in the proper currency, but it wasn't quite enough to hold down a flat yet. A week or two of working, and I would be all set. I would ask for help, but I couldn't. Sarah had already given me so much.

All of the jobs were either boring, required experience, or didn't pay enough. I'd only just graduated college with a degree in journalism, it would be impossible to get a job. Especially considering that now I was technically an immigrant. It was all so complicated.

I circled a few ones that seemed interesting and leaned back in my chair, looking at the clock. Almost six. Sarah would be getting home soon.

As if on cue, the door swung open. Sarah walked in, looking very refreshed for someone who'd just worked nine hours. She smiled at me, and my nerves calmed slightly. She was too good of a friend. I didn't deserve her.

"Hi, Eleanor. How's the job search going?" She chirped, hanging up her coat. I shrugged and looked down at the paper. Who knew this could be so goddamn hard?

"It's...going," I replied.

"Well, put down the pen, because we're going out." She smiled and plucked the pen from my hand. I looked up at her, confused.

"Out? Out where?"

"A band I like is playing at the little bar downtown tonight. I know you'd love them. Besides, you need to get out of the house and make some friends!"

"Hey—"

"We're leaving in an hour." She smiled and walked to her bedroom. I let out a long sigh and got up, leaving my job search behind.

My bedroom was small, but it was cute. The walls were painted a soft yellow, and it had a twin bed off to the side by the window. I was still working on unpacking my belongings, so there was a large cardboard box in the corner. I dug through my drawers to find clothes. Seeing as I was unemployed, I spent most of my time in my pajamas.

I finally decided on a short, red dress and black flats. I took a quick shower, did my hair and makeup, and by the time I was done Sarah was ready to leave.

"You look gorgeous!" She gushed as she looked at me. "Oh, the guys will be all over you."

"Will they?" I laughed nervously and looked down at my dress. It reached my knees, so it wasn't too revealing. One time a friend had told me it left a lot to be desired. I still wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

"Of course. Look at you, you're beautiful!"

"I don't know. I wish I was a little taller..." I shifted a little bit. I was short, barely pushing 5'3". It was something I was always insecure over.

"Small girls are cute, in my opinion." She shrugged. "Let's go."

-

The bar was pretty crowded. People were packed in shoulder-to-shoulder, but Sarah still dragged me through the crowd to where we could see okay. After a few minutes, some guys walked out and they started playing. As they continued, more people began to walk in.
I managed to hold out for a while, but when Sarah left me to make out with some guy, I started to panic. The amount of people around me was making my chest feel heavy and my head spin. Hot tears pricked at the corners of my eyes.

I pushed through the crowd, spots beginning to cloud my vision. I looked around frantically and found a free exit that I assumed was for emergencies. I nearly ran outside and found myself around the back of the bar. I gasped in fresh air and immediately felt relief. I took deep breaths and sat down on the concrete, leaning against the building.

I couldn't tell how long it had been before the music stopped. I was still sitting on the sidewalk, knees pulled to my chest. I was shaking still, but I didn't know if it was from the cold or my slowly-fading anxiety. I hoped Sarah would think to look back here for me.
I leaned my head back against the brick building and blew out, seeing my breath in the cold air. I smiled a little bit at the childlike feeling of seeing your own breath.

The door suddenly opened, and I all but jumped out of my skin. I half-expected to see Sarah, but instead found a tall guy. Had he been part of the band? I didn't know, I didn't look long enough to memorize their faces. He looked like a rockstar, though.

"Oh, hello." He looked down at me, clearly a little bit confused. "Are you alright?"

"Um...yeah." I nodded slowly. My voice sounded incredibly hoarse, so I cleared my throat. He smiled and sat down next to me, which is not what I was expecting to happen.

"I saw you run out. Would've made sure you were okay, but I was on stage, so y'know..."
So he was part of the band. He continued, "So you're feeling okay? No passing out or anything?"

"No, just...crowds make me nervous," I mumbled. He smirked.

"Why'd you come to a concert, then?"

"My friend dragged me here. She...really likes you guys, and she wanted me to see you."

"Yeah?" His expression brightened. "That's...so amazing." I nodded. There was a long pause as one of us tried to conjure up something to say. Finally, he spoke.

"I'm Brian."

"Eleanor," I replied with a small smile. I hoped I didn't look too awful from the panic attack I just had. If I did, he didn't seem to mind.

"You're American."

"I am."

"What're you doing here?"

"I just moved here a week ago," I explained, looking at him. He was...really handsome. He had really pretty eyes that sparkled in the light, and a kind smile.

"Why'd you move so far from home?"

"Uh...reasons." I shrugged. "A change, I guess."

"Moving countries is quite the change."

"I guess I needed it."

We were silent for a while. It wasn't awkward silence, though. It was comfortable. The kind of silence you could only get with someone you'd known your whole life. Somehow Brian felt like someone I could trust.

"I should go," I said, standing up. "My friend is probably looking for me."

"Oh, right. Okay. Do you want me to help you find her?" He stood as well. I shook my head.

"No thanks, I'll find her." I paused. "Thanks for checking on me, Brian. I really appreciate it. I'll definitely drop by the next gig with Sarah. Maybe I'll stay away from the crowd next time, though."

"I'll be looking for you."

-

When I found Sarah, she was sitting at the bar alone. She looked pretty trashed.

"Ohhh my god! Eleanor!" She cried. "I was looking-hic-everywhere for you!! Where did you go?"

"Whoa, uh, hey," I placed my hands on her arms to steady her. "I'm fine. It just got a little overwhelming, so I went outside for a while."

"Oh no!! All alone?"

"I..." I hesitated. I could tell her who I met, and risk her getting jealous, or I could just lie. I decided on the latter. "Yeah. But it's okay. I feel a lot better now. C'mon, let's get you home."