"With me?"
"Yeah!"
"..."
"And you're sure about that?"
"Of course I am."
Don't fuck this up, you idiot.
I was scared.
It was my first time, what else was I supposed to feel? Everything was moving so fast, but I wasn't complaining. I was glad! He was the only person I had ever even thought about being like this with.
I was scared.
So... scared. I thought he would hate it. I thought he would hate me. I didn't want him to feel used.
Is this what it feels like? God, it's... so... good...
So warm and... tight...
But it's more than that. The way he's looking at me now...?
I wish he would always look at me like that.
He looks... in love...
In love with me...
We were only at it for a short while, but it felt like forever. In a good way, that is. It felt like time stopped, and that all we were focused on was each other. I felt happy. I forgot all about how sad I was. I forgot about my bad feelings. All that was left in my mind was him, and I was perfectly happy with that. I don't know how to describe it, but I can never replicate the feeling of happiness that came from giving myself to him, to anybody for the first time. I'm glad that I did.
I was scared, though. What if he didn't like
it? What if he didn't want to keep doing this? What if he hated it and was just doing it out of pity.
I wanted to cry.
I fell in love with someone who, in my eyes, would never love me back.
I felt empty. I felt bad sending that text afterwards. Just a "hey", but it felt like writing the Declaration of Independence. When I saw the three dots, I almost threw up. When I found out he was happy to talk to me, and happy to keep a conversation, I felt like everything would be okay.
I didn't want to lose him. I felt like we could really be something. I fell for him, and I fell hard.
But I didn't, and still don't want to get up. Because I love him.
I love him with all my heart.
