Turn Back Time [on Hold]

chapter 1

Thea lockheart

I walk into the house stumbling and saw jasper looking at me angrily .

"where have you been ???" he asked glaring at me . I giggle sadly .

"why do you care ???" I retort back glaring playfully at him before giggling again .

"can't I have some fun too ? I though you didn't care about me ....I give you all of my love but you push it away ." I said as I was about to fall he catches me first .

"let me go " I said but he rolled his eyes and carry me to the living room .

"shut  up and sit down " he said as I immediately sit on the couch .

I saw he went to the kitchen and take out a water bottle and some tablets . he walked towards me and gesture me to drink the bottle .

"no" I said

"do as what I said ." he demand .

"why would I do what you said , when..you don't do what I told you to do ." I said drunkly .

he began silent as he stared at me , I swear I can see he wanted to  said something but he silent himself letting me to continue .

"why would you mad at me ,when I didn't do any thing wrong . if did  then tell me , I rather getting hurt by you telling the truth then you comforting me by lies . you know how hard I control emotions , didn't you think that I broke after hearing the news about I m barely had any chances to get pregnant , its not only you who getting hurt , me im hurt the most , plus there is no one comforting me , its been 2 years now jasper and you treating me badly before this 2 years you treated me good  like any wife should be treated , you treat me like there is no contract arrangement between us ." I pause , tears soaking .

"then what changed , is it because I can't get pregnant , from what I know I can get pregnant but it will damage me  more , then if its make you happy , then I don't care from getting pregnant . as long as your happy , im happy ....*Sob* do you ever love me , or are you using me just for a child . I fight and fight my darkness to confront myself that you love me ....did you..." I trailed off.

'did you..did you even know that I miscarriage my  baby, two years ago , two months after you ignore me , did you even care about me getting into an accident and i was slipped into comma for seven days , i already messaged you ...but you just ignore it. Did you know how i fucking feel when i woke up and my husband not beside me . It hurts a lot. I...just..i just want you to understand ." I said as he stared at me  stunned.

his mouth quiever .

"why did you not tell me .???and accident?? What accident , i never received a message from you about an accident ."he asked his eyes filled with tears .

"i did .but you push me away ..every time I wanted to talk to you . you. walked . away . that's what you always do . you walk away ..leaving me in the darkness . did you know how I felt that day , I was happy that I can carry your child , but when you ignore me , I gave up . " I said 

"its funny how people happily walk away from your life , everything is funny right now , its funny how people don't recognize love from someone eye s, its funny how people walked away when the other is in the darkness , whats funnier is that didn't find all of this funny . its just...funny ." I chuckled

"i cant believe im remember those poems , now im greatful for my teacher , now I understand whats the meaning of all of this poems , I always insulted her to make us remember these poems ...puff." I scoffed as I started to stand up .

"I..just want these to end . just know ....what im going through , the miscarriage are more affect to their mother, that's my only big chance , that I will successfully getting pregnant  . until now , they upset me , they make me sad , I didn't know what did I do wrong to this world that they hate me too much , but I think its will be more better if im gone . jasper...im sure you want a girl who are strong enough to carry your child . do what make you happy " I said and again as I was about to walked upstairs I stopped myself as I sense that he looked at me , I can hear his sobs .

"i love you , jaspers . " I said and I heard him sob harder .

I walked to our bedroom , I look at my self at the mirror , good job drunk thea .

I realize that my eyes are swollen .

I walk to the bed and began lying until the sleep tooks over me .

jasper lockheart

I stared at the stair cas e. I  disappoint at myself .Im so selfish .

more tears left my eyes , afer hearing her confession , I realize how hurt she is than what I felt right now , she is right im a coward I always walk away from my problem then solve them .

I didn't comfort her when she is in the darkness , its the opposite she I sthe one who comforting me when im said . I didn't do anything to make her happy .

her miscarriage , I remembered when she is trying to tell me 2 years ago , instead of listening , I yelling at her , ignore her .

im so so stupid . I didn't deserve her .im just too mad that she cant get pregnant but misunderstand she said that she barely had chances but can get pregnant , and damages her more .

I look at the clock and saw 2 hours already passed . thea must 've  already asleep . I walked upstairs to our bedroom  , I opened the door and saw her sleeping facing on my side .

I love her .

I lay beside her , grip on her waist , pulling her closer .

I stared at her sleeping face , tears left my eyes . sob again comes out .

"im sorry thea ," I kissed her forehead .

"im really sorry ..I love you too ...a lot ...im just too selfish ." I whispered at him and I saw her eyebrows quirked .

I smile sadly at her . I knew I didn't deserve her but I need to make it work , I need to gain her back .

tomorrow will be started .  how I wish to turned back time .