We arrived at the arena and immediately we rushed to the stage to begin rehearsals. It was almost eleven o'clock in the morning and there was much more to do than just rehearse. Jazzy and I had outfit fittings, an interview back stage before the concert, one last rehearsal before the concert, the actual show, a meet and greet afterwards, and then on to the next destination. I still remembered all of the words to the songs and the routines like the back of my hand and I always would.
I pulled my hair up as we jogged onto the huge stage and DJ Soundwave began to play 'As Long As You Love Me' without warning. I began to move my body to the music still remembering all of the routines and watching as Dave observed the way our bodies twisted and turned and popped and locked, flinching every time Roc stumbled on his feet or I had to look up at the ceiling to remember the next move. Once the music stopped Dave lost his mind.
"We have a lot of work to do and I am trying so hard not to break each and every one of you" he said coldly.
My mind wasn't there. I was thinking about all the things Diggy could be doing with Star or the things Star could be doing to him. I couldn't stop thinking about how many ways that it would be done and how many times it would be done and how long it would take 'till Diggy admitted what they were doing or how long 'till I'd catch them in the act or if he'd even tell me. I don't know how many times I'd have to beat--
"IMANI ARE YOU LISTENING!!!" Dave shouted.
"Hmm? What? No I wasn't" I said rubbing the wrinkles in my forehead.
I listened to him scream on the top of his lungs about the way I needed to pop lock at the beginning of the song, when my stomach began to churn. I listened to his every word and then he told us to take five. I rubbed my stomach and then took a seat on the floor rocking back and forth.
"You okay?" Prince asked.
"Yeah I'm good" I replied.
The bubbling in my stomach stopped and I stood back on my feet and followed everyone to get water. I picked up a water bottle off the catering table and chugged the water quickly. I picked up an apple and bit into it. I was starving and I needed something - Anything to eat.
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We thanked the fans for coming to the concert and then hopped onto the Tour Bus. I kicked my shoes off and began stripping into my pajamas.
"Damn Boo you can't go into the bathroom?" Roc asked looking at my flesh colored push up bra.
"No I'm tired as fuck Broski. So every night for the next two to three months get used to seeing this" I replied pulling a tank top over my head.
I pulled my jeans down and then put on some basketball shorts. While him and the boys piled into me and Roc's room to play Garage Band all night like usual, I climbed into bed turned on some music and pulled the covers over my shoulders and drifted asleep as Drake serenaded my ears with 'Shot For Me'.
I was worn out. Tired. Worried. The running thoughts through my mind were perpetual. Some making me sick to my stomach and others just making me irritated to the core. I hated the thought of Diggy ever alleviating with another woman. Let alone Star. I was afraid that maybe I wasn't as tough as I thought I was, unfaltering any and everyone because of my ingratiating suavity. Maybe I wasn't good enough for him either. Or maybe I'm just crazy and beat her up for no reason. Or imagining the things happening around me. I don't know what the hell was going on with me, with Diggy and I, with Star, nothing. These perturbations were making work harder for me, sending me into moments where my stomach didn't agree with anything my mind was thinking and lunging everything into the toilet. I hated this feeling.
