monachopsis.

t e n

when corbyn wakes up, the hand that was holding his is gone, and the chair beside his bed is empty. all is quiet, and he stretches, wincing in pain as his broken ribs protest.

"careful when you do that," a voice says softly, and corbyn stiffens. jonah is leaning in the doorway of the room, still wearing yesterday's clothes.

"go away," corbyn spits, and jonah takes a step closer, eyes pleading.

"corbyn, i'm sorry. it was a one time mistake. i had a rough day, and she came on to me, and....i fucked up. badly."

"it was our two year anniversary, jonah. i had everything planned out for a special night together. but instead of even thinking about me, you were fucking her, and it hurts, so bad, every time i remember her body under you. was i not enough?" corbyn asks, his voice breaking. a tear slips down his cheek, and jonah moves beside his bed, tenderly sliding his hand beneath corbyn's jaw and thumbing the tear away.

"baby, you were always enough. you're all i need. you're my world. i fucked up, so bad. i wasn't thinking straight, and i regret letting her coerce me into having sex with her. it was the biggest mistake of my life. i don't want to lose you. i don't want to throw away the best two years of my life over this. please, give me another chance. i love you so much."

corbyn closes his eyes, jonah's large hand a warm and familiar feeling against his face. he loves jonah so much, too, is the thing. yes, jonah hurt him. but he honestly could never find it in himself to leave jonah. he needs jonah, so much. jonah is his lifeline, his oxygen, his rock. he is a steady constant in corbyn's life, and even though he does hurt corbyn sometimes, corbyn holds on. he refuses to ever let them become one of those couples that break up over every little thing, then get back together once they feel like it. and that's why he goes back to jonah every time. "i love you, too. but, jonah—you know what happened with my parents, and you know how it totally wrecked my life and fucked me up. why would you do something like this to me when you know how personally i would take it? how it would destroy me?"

jonah's thumb lightly strokes his cheek, and corbyn feels the tender brush of his lips against his forehead. "i'm so stupid, i wasn't even thinking about that. i'm so sorry. i'm so glad you're okay, babe. you can't even begin to imagine....when i got that call....i nearly had a heart attack. all i could think was, how can i live without him? and all the mistakes i've ever made in our relationship kept replaying in my head, and i swore to god that if he just didn't take you from me, i'd never make any of those mistakes again. and i won't."

corbyn lets out a watery laugh, opening his eyes. "jo, i'm—"

"no, i need to say this. i'm so sorry, for everything. you deserve so much better than me, and why you stay with me....i honestly don't know why, and i ask myself how i got so lucky every night when i'm holding you in my arms. you're so fucking perfect, corbyn. i just.....i am constantly in awe of you, and my biggest fear is that someday you'll finally decide you deserve better and leave me."

they're both crying now, and corbyn brings his hand up and curls it around the back of jonah's neck, gently pulling him down and pressing his face into his shoulder. jonah lets out a sob, his shoulders shaking as he cries into corbyn's shoulder, and corbyn holds him close, tears of his own streaming down his face. they fiercely cling to each other, and jonah wraps his arms around corbyn's frail shoulders, careful of his bandaged collarbone.

"i love you so fucking much, corbyn besson," he says, lifting his head and kissing corbyn, hard. corbyn kisses him back, and their mouths messily slide against each other, slick with tears and saliva. jonah dominates the kiss, licking into corbyn's mouth and nipping his bottom lip, and corbyn lets him, moaning into jonah's mouth. after a few more moments, they part, gasping for breath, and corbyn falls back against his pillow. his ribs are aching, but it was so worth it. jonah perches on the edge of his bed and smiles down at him, and corbyn gets lost in the eyes of his lover, all pain temporarily forgotten.

"what the fuck are you doing in here?" a voice interrupts their intimate moment, and zach is standing in the doorway, looking furious. "he doesn't want to see you. security told you to leave. now, get away from corbyn before i call security to haul your ass out of here."

jonah raises an eyebrow, and makes no move to leave, further infuriating the younger boy.

"corbyn, tell him you want him to leave!" zach shouts frustratedly, and corbyn drops his gaze.

"zach, it's fine. he's fine, i'm fine, we're fine."

zach gapes at corbyn, but his momentary lapse in speech quickly ends. "oh my god, you've got to be fucking kidding me! corbyn! what the hell is even going through your mind right now?! maybe your concussion was worse than we thought and we need to get the doctor back in here, because for a moment there, i thought you said we are fine, like you and jonah are fine, like you two are still a couple. which, of course, you wouldn't be, because he's an abusive, cheating douchebag who put you through hell last night. right?"

corbyn slowly shakes his head, and says weakly, "z....i love him."

"oh my fucking god," zach repeats, shaking his head. "you motherfucker—"

and then he's lunging for jonah, but jack appears and grabs him around the waist from behind, holding him back.

"let me go!" zach shrieks, wriggling fiercely, but jack is stronger than he is, and holds him firmly.

"zach, stop. calm down. i know you're upset, but this is corbyn's life and corbyn's decision, and you need to respect that."

zach shakes his head, suddenly going still in jack's arms. "him or me."

corbyn pales immediately, hoping he's misheard his best friend. "what?"

"him, or me," zach repeats coldly, and corbyn is shaking his head, pleadingly.

"zach, no. don't do this. you're my best friend, but....he's my boyfriend. please don't make me choose between you two, because i don't think you'll be happy with the outcome."

"him or me," is all zach says in response, and tears well up in corbyn's eyes again, so he shakily reaches a hand up and wipes them away before they can fall.

"you know who i'll choose," he chokes out unsteadily, and zach stares at him for a long, hard moment.

"all right, then," he says finally. "i'll just be out of your life, now." and he walks away.

"zach," jack calls after him as corbyn begins to sob. "zach—!" he spares corbyn and jonah one final glance before darting away, and jonah turns to corbyn, holding out his arms.

corbyn falls into them, and as he sobs into jonah's wrinkled shirt, he swears a piece of his heart is gone with zach.