Hey um I wanted to update this book for the last time today, maybe? And I feel like I should have been more honest about it when I first started this book. There is a reason why this is called a "vent" book and "rant" book. Now I know what you're thinking" But you look so happy in the face reveal!" Or" But you seem so happy!" Maybe you thought that but idk and irdc. This is hard for me too write for several reasons, I don't like talking about my life, I'm talking to complete strangers. But besides that, let's get started(btw this might be longer than some chapters but this is a rant). Also in no way or form am I doing this for attention or for popularity this is 100% real and I could never lie about this, and I don't know if you will believe that or not. Anyways, it started when I was in kindergarten, my mom got breast cancer. It was such a hard and down fall in my family, and keep in mind I said KINDERGARTEN so I was like 6 when I had to experience this, when my mom was losing hair and throwing up during chemotherapy I was in my room crying and basically having a panic attack because I didn't know what the fuck was happening, Amy teacher was worried about me and it was a shit time. My mom survived and she is still alive and I'm so happy because right now I don't know who I'd be without her. Let's skip ahead to mid 2016 so around April, or May, my mom would always be sad or mad. It got to the point where my mom got so mad at me, she threw me against the wall and yelled at me and wouldn't let me go until she saw how badly I was crying. I ran too my room and didn't know if I should run away or not, I ended up walking out of my house cuz I was done. I had my phone with me and my dad texted me saying I had to come back. Unfortunately I did. Her temper, stress, and sadness kept getting worse and it scared me because she wasn't telling me anything. Now it's October, I got out of school one day, my mom was very sad and she told me we had to go the vet, you probably can see where this is going but we got there and my mom and dad started crying and I've NEVER seen my dad cry so this was a shocker. They brought my dog out and the vet said," whenever your ready." My mom looked at me and said," we have to put the dog down." I started bursting out crying because he was my first dog for 11 years, my first friend my first everything and I was sad. I'm so mad at myself that I didn't watch him die or say one last goodbye or anything. I miss him so much. Now a few weeks later, my dad called me over to my parents room, and my dad told me he had a disease called MS. It would never go away and he is stuck with it. I didn't think highly of it at first cuz he could still walk and everything he seemed alright. But progressively it got worst, I started becoming sad and I had to go to my school counselor. All throughout fifth grade. My dad started falling, he couldn't walk as good as he used too and I couldn't do anything that required physical activity, then I finally got it, my moms behavior was because of this. Now let's skip to this summer, it has been approximately 2 or 3 years with this disease, he has had multiple surgeries, falls, and physical therapy but nothing had helped it just got worse and worse. I had a doctors appointment and my dad was using crutches for him to walk, he got out of the car and fell, the appointment automatically got switched to his appointment and I only got to see a doctor for like 10 minutes and then it was my dad's appointment. My mom was mad at me for some reason! I was pissed. I started shaking and it seemed like I couldn't breathe anymore, the paramedics came and took my dad to the hospital where my mom and I went along with them we stopped to get chick fil a and I still was shaking and having a hard time breathing, I started crying and was putting myself down, I realized then, I was having an anxiety attack. And my mom was still mad at me. Anyhow we got to the hospital and my dad was alright. His disease got worse and worse and like last month I was editing on my computer and I heard him fall and i ignored it because I thought I heard him get up but then i heard him yell,"call 911." So I did and my mom came home because he called her. I got left behind and I was home alone for a while. I felt alone. I felt left out. Now I don't like attention at all but everyone seemed to think I was invisible. So while I was home alone I started crying and crying. A few weeks later I started getting into self harm and started doing it and saying how I should just kill myself. Everyone thought I was joking. Time skip to the next month, my grandma had surgery, and we went to visit her in the nursing home. I sat down in the couch that they had and my mom walked over to my grandma and started talking to her. She started crying, badly. I went to the bathroom and my mom pulled me aside and told me she was dying and she didn't have much time left. I went to the bathroom and cried and cried, guess what it was another time of counseling. That night I didn't get home till 10:00 at night and my mom had to contact my teachers and tell them I wouldn't have my homework done and my favorite teacher, asked if I was ok and I said yea and she was like," if you need anything let me know." The next 3 days my family and I lived off of restaurant food and 15 minutes of sleep. The day before she died I dozed off on the couch and so did my mom. She woke up to see my grandma trying to get out of bed and my mom woke up and gasped and put her down in bed. At that time I ran out of the room and went to the lobby where I saw my grandpa, and his sons including both my uncles and my dad. They were talking about arrangements. The next day she died and I was sad as fuck. It hasn't gotten any better and I'm still sad, nothing bad has happened recently like that but I'm still sad but I try to hide it. I need to rant about someone else in the next part but that's the truth about me. I hope you are still reading.
