* * * *
Driving the Circuit, as Steve was told repeatedly over the last few hours, didn't even make top five of the stupid, reckless things Tony had done in his past.
Next to him, Pepper leaned back on the couch, eyeing him. "I'm not saying you shouldn't be shocked, or disappointed, or angry even. You can be all that. Actually, I encourage you to be all that. It's kind of necessary not to hold these feelings in when dealing with Tony. What I'm saying is that you should think about if you can learn to deal with it, because he won't change." She gave him a pointed look. "Ever."
Steve leaned back, too, eyeing the news real in front of them. The media was in a frenzy, taking apart every little thing Tony had done in the last few weeks. But mostly, there were close-ups of Iron Man holding Vanko's reactor in his palm, crushing it to pieces. Next to it was a record of Tony's hearing and him saying how far everyone else was from making anything even close to the Iron Man armor.
On the good side, there didn't seem to be any shots of Steve running through the Circuit or him throwing the sign, but maybe SHIELD hat taken care of that beforehand.
He looked out through the window, an endless ocean before his eyes. "Did you?"
"Hm?" Pepper asked absentmindedly while typing dizzyingly fast on her laptop.
"Learn to deal with it."
She laughed humorlessly. "In some ways, yes. But that doesn't mean I don't always get a heart attack every time he throws himself in danger's way like that."
She pushed the laptop away, setting it on the living room table. "Look, Steve. I know Tony can be too much even on a good day. Not only because of Iron Man and guys like Ivan Vanko. He's borderline reckless and egoistic and sometimes he altogether forgets that there are other people in the world, too. He doesn't eat or sleep on a regular basis. He'll forget meetings, and doesn't keep his promises. But that's not even the worst of it. What is really going to make you hate him from time to time? That he tries to hide his real feelings behind this mask he has perfected over the years. He will always joke around what's important. He will try to distract you from what is really going on in that genius brain of his." She stopped, her gaze drifting towards the stairs, which led down to the infamous workshop he had yet to see. And her face got so desperately fond that Steve found himself wanting to feel like that, too. "But the thing is..." she continued quietly, looking back at him. "In the end, it's all worth it."
For some insane reason, Steve could almost imagine it was true. "How so?"
Pepper shrugged. "I think that's something you need to find out for yourself—if you want to. I'm sure James and Happy and I have different reasons that have kept us at Tony's side all these years."
"What are yours?" He was probably being intrusive, but he couldn't help himself, suddenly overwhelmed with the need to know, understand, to learn.
Pepper sighed and looked away, her eyes falling on the stairs once more. They were warm but distant, in contrast to her face that was hardened with fierce determination. "When I started working as Tony's PA, it was just a really good chance, a... stepping stone. And over the time I think it was mostly his genius that kept me going through all his eccentricities." She pointed at the monitors on the wall. "DUM-E, JARVIS, even the weapons he's built, it was humbling to watch him, you know? It still is, but now..." She inhaled, frowned, and shrugged. "I just need him to be whole... and happy, I guess."
Steve glanced down, his eyes fluttering shut, and the tightness in his chest intensified.
Outside, the wind whistled. The palm trees rustled and danced. And he surprised himself with the realization that he wanted that, too.
