Together Is The Battle

A lot can happen

               ............................................            2 weeks later.

 I didn’t say anything. I didn’t mention it to anyone, not even Hanna. She wouldn’t listen to me like he does and keep their lips quiet. She would send me back to the hospital in a heartbeat, with okay, okay intensions. Keeping quiet though has seemed to be the best, better than talking about it trying to work out my 'feelings'. It’s almost as though it never happened. It’s been working keeping this all a secret besides that I’ve been stressed. Guilt still lingers as well as unanswered questions. Plus what if anyone found out? I couldn’t afford anymore pity.

I’ve been staying in the large wooden flat of Harrys. Moving in was easy due to the fact that most of my stuff was still packed up in boxes so when we went to picked it up from Hann's we did it peacefully while she was at work. The living arrangements are good; I stay in the guest bedroom with the occasional couch crash. He makes breakfast and I make dinner, but it’s not a relationship living. It’s more of a friend zone living.

 I like being here, but sadly this won’t last much longer. Harry has to be getting back off to London in 17 days. I don’t know what I’m going to do when he leaves to go back to his life, it scares me. Sometimes I find myself forgetting that Harry is Harry styles, I just see him as my, friend. He came to Maine secretly and the secret has been kept so far. For the world thinks he is on vacation with his family, some secret location in Italy.

I hear the door open from my place in the kitchen.

"Harry?" I call

"Yeah. I’m back with bread."

"Good I’ve been craving French toast."

"For dinner?"

"Yeah..."

"Well we have no eggs." he sheepishly said.

"Ugh. Well I’ll just make normal toast then." I stated as I grabbed the brown paper bag from his hand. He flashed me his smart ass smile and with just a few steps went to his usual spot on the couch.

I watched him so intrigued by his stature. His long arms and torso are skinny but so muscular at the same time; it’s hard not to stare. But I try my best not to. He is going to be gone soon and I don’t want to want him more than I already do. I know how he feels about me, but he isn’t thinking of the future he is just thinking about now, and that’s good to a point. I wish things weren’t so complicated but it is.

I make my way next to him on the brown couch after finishing off my food at the table. He is surfing though the channels like a mad man.

"How can you even tell what’s on?" I asked

"Well if I don’t recognize in the split second I see it then I obviously have no need to watch it or I would have seen it before and would have recognized what it was." I wasn’t expecting such a harsh answer and was taken back.

"Are you oaky?" I maneuvered myself closer and more in front of him to pear him in the eye.

He hesitated to answer. So that means no. "I, I don’t know, is it?" he murmured under his breath.

"What? I'm not following you." Did I do something wrong?"

He didn’t like my response. "You don’t understand." He turned to me. “You’re pushing me away Meg, and frankly I don’t know if you mean to or not, considering I’m the only person trying to help you I would think you would be a bit more wanting of me. Instead you’ve been more independent than when we first met. I want you to need me like that night but you just keep your distance and its killing me?" He said this so slow I don’t even think it made sense.

Taken off guard and unable to think of what to respond with I try to avoid the question. "What the Hell, you were fine nine minutes ago?" I did an uncomfortable giggle at the end trying to lighten the mood.

"I wasn’t thinking 'nine' minutes ago in the kitchen, but now I’ve been thinking, about us and you and what has happened and what’s been happening? I thought we were something, something other than this." He looked at me desperately.

I knew what I was about to say, I was aware it needed to be said but I knew ill regret it. "We were. We are. I want to be, so bad more than anything but I can’t! I just can’t Harry! I don’t know why I’m pushing you away but it probably has to do with the fact that you'll be gone in such a short time and yes, you are the only person hear for me that understands me." I paused in my dramatic monologue." I can’t, we can’t do this. I've already been through so much. I just can’t add to the stress that’s already there. Harry I obviously love you but I don’t want to. By the time I'm fine again you'll be torn from me which will send me right back to where I am” I wasn’t yelling or angry I was just stressed. ." He was staring right into my eyes and mine into his. What I say next brings tears to my eyes. "Believe me Harry I love you but I really don’t want to."

We sat there in still silence, which felt like forever, even though after everything that was said I just wanted to kiss him.

"Why did you say I'll be gone soon?" He directed this to me but was staring at the ceiling.

"You’re going home to England in 17 days. Allot can happen in 17 days." I directed this to him but am staring at the ceiling.

He then turned to me. "Exactly, a lot can happen in seventeen days. A lot, and if a lot happens then there’s no leaving. Do you not understand that I wouldn’t just leave you alone? We would work something out. We would make it work, I would make it work!"

Why does he have to be so good with words?

Before I knew it, our lips were touching.