Whenever someone bad happens to me I have a lot of dreams about it which im pretty sure is normal bc of stress but godddd I am tired of having dreams about 🐝
I stopped having them after like the first week after he broke up with me and then suddenly I've started getting them again
They're not even necessarily bad dreams??? The first one I had was pretty funny honestly because he had buzzed and bleached his hair and it was not a good look and the second one I had wasn't,,, bad but it makes me feel bad
What I mean is that it was a good dream while I was having it but as soon as I woke up I felt bad because it involved us being together again
I mean Jesus Christ yeah I miss him but it feels wrong to have dreams like that because we're not in a relationship anymore
But I guess I shouldn't feel too bad because I can't control my dreams
It's just kinda gross
Also last night I had this idea to get some bad feelings out by pretending to write a letter to him or whatever
But I was doing it and suddenly I felt so powerful?? It was good and I could send it to him as an email and if he likes it we could be friends again (which would be great because we were really good friends and that's the worst part of this) and if he thinks I'm being desperate I can just ignore him because I never see him and I won't actually have to face him
I don't want to put the whole message here but the idea is that I'll sort of apologize for not talking to him and then have most of the rest just be a very lighthearted and kind of funny letter talking about what's been going on in my life
I'm gonna ask ⭐️ what they think first because I'm genuinely terrified that this is a horrible idea but idk
I was in a mood last night and if I could have I wouldve sent it then but now I'm doubting myself a lot
Another update is that i really don't know what to think about 🏃🏻♂️ rn dude
I kinda like him wayy too much
Idek how but he's literally the exact boy I describe when people ask me what my type is but I really don't know if he likes me and I lowkey don't think he does
I doubt myself a lot tho so idkk??
None of my friends at school know I like him and I don't really want to tell them because I feel like they'll embarrass me or something
Don't get me wrong, I love my friends, but they're all the type who would be super extra whenever I'm around him and I don't want that
Plus I don't really think any of them know him?? Which is super weird because at my old school everyone knew each other but at least one of my friends doesn't know his name
They know that my crush is a freshman boy on the xc team but I don't think they realize that that leaves three people aaand I said he's in most of my classes and one of the boys I have no classes with and the other I have one soo
If they REALLY wanted to know they could do the math but they're all dumb (hahaha just kidding yikes)
One of my friends has history with me and 🏃🏻♂️ and she asked him about the stickers on his laptop which were both xc stickers and she was like ohh you're on the cross country team? And he was like yeah and I was so scared she would put the pieces together but I don't think she did bc she probably would have told me
So
Yeah
Also, this is gonna sound really creepy, bUT in science today 🏃🏻♂️ walked past me and dude he smelled really good
All the boys at my old school smelled like bo or too much ax okay???
Every little thing he does I stg it makes me so mad that I like him so much
All I want is to get to know the boy is that too much to ask????
Okay I'm done
