Codename: Kitten: A Mafia Tale/ Book 1 (Completed)

Missing You

       I woke up in the infirmary, Jin sat next to me holding my hand his pink T-shirt had a giant taco on it below it read lets taco bout it,  he paired it with khaki slacks. I squeezed his  hand he immediately leaned forward " how are you?" I sat up swinging my legs over the side of the bed I glanced at the clock hanging on the wall at the foot of the bed it was four fifteen, the last thing I remember was waking Jungkook up around ten AM, " I feel fine, why am I here?" he sighed loudly " you had a panic attack and passed out, do you remember anything? maybe talking to Yoongi?" I shook my head " no, I remember waking Jungkook up because we were going to the movies then waking up here."

          Jin handed me my phone " can you unlock your phone I need to look at your call log" I took my phone and entered my password my call log popped up immediately it showed I had called Yoongi twelve time but he had not answered, I handed him my phone " I don't know why I was trying to call Yoongi" he handed me my phone back " I should call him and make sure he's okay" Jin stood up shaking his head he went to the far counter and opened a bottle pouring out a small pill " I need to tell you something but I want you to take this pill first, okay" I nodded my head he handed me the pill and a bottle of water I swallowed the pill " good, I will be right back." 

            I watched Jin leave he was acting weird, what was going on? Jin walked back in trailed by RM, Tae, and Hoseok  Jin grabbed my hand " we received a call a couple hours ago, Yoongi was in a car accident, he did not make it" I knew I had to have misunderstood his words because there was no way in hell Yoongi was dead " was he hurt badly? I asked softly Jin squeezed my hand tightly" Jimin, he's gone" I shook my head tears streaming down my face this had to be a bad dream I kept pinching my arm trying to wake up that didn't work so I raked my nails down my arm  " YOU'RE LYING HE'S NOT DEAD" I screamed.

             I jumped to my feet shoving Jin away from me I made it to the door before being tackled from behind I heard sobs coming from inside the room, why wouldn't they let me go to him I could prove he wasn't dead, he is coming home tomorrow morning they will feel like a bunch of idiots when he walks through the door. I felt drowsy and numb " I want to go to him if he's dead then...." 

         I woke up later in my bed the door to the bathroom was left open a crack giving off a faint light there was a lump next to me I smiled happily throwing my arms around the sleeping figure " Jin, told me you were dead, I can't wait to see their faces in the morning" Jimin" I froze that wasn't Yoongi's voice, I shoved him " he's not dead, he will be home in the morning if he finds you in here he will be furious" he grabbed my wrist shaking me " stop it! he's not coming back he's dead you need to accept that" I shook my head " why are you all doing this to me? this isn't funny, you're being cruel" he hung his head.

            I stood up heading to the closet quickly I packed my suitcase " Jimin, you're not leaving just stop" I shook my head " fuck off! I'm not staying here I'll come back when Yoongi comes home" his arms locked around my body pinning my arms to my sides I fought and screamed, " I hate you Jungkook I hate you so much, I thought you were my friend, why are you doing this to me?"  Tae and RM came running into the room" please don't say that" Jungkook said between sobs a calm came over me it felt almost euphoric " just leave me alone, I am fine" I said blandly. RM and Tae finally persuaded Jungkook to leave me, I cried hugging his pillow finally falling into an exhausted sleep.

a week later    

   Yoongi never came home, day by day I started acceptinghe is gone, my heart was shattered into a million tiny pieces I don't think it will ever be the same again. I never leave my room I allow no one inside. Jin leaves me food outside my room I verily eat it. I started cutting again I had so much pain inside I needed the relief that only cutting brought me, Jin put me on suicide watch he came in numerous times a day checking on me I would just stare at him with empty eyes as he checked my arms and legs for wounds but he was not invasive enough to check the inside of my thighs.

    This morning he had given me a letter it had been with Yoongi's will it was specifically written for me slowly I tore it open: Jimin, as I am writing this you are sleeping next to me, you are so beautiful I wish I could muster up the courage to tell you how much I love you, did you hear me Jimin Park, I love you!. Jimin, if your reading this then I am dead, thank god I went first, I could not survive without you by my side, you were everything to me, you made me a stronger leader and a better man, please do not run away or harm yourself. I put Jungkook in charge of everything he will be a good leader, he loves you a lot. I was selfish and forbid him to tell you his story but now that I am gone ask him, ask him to tell you his story, I am sorry that I stood in the way but I could not bear to lose you. I will forever love you, Jimin Park,  till we meet again, love for eternity, Yoongi. 

 I clutched the letter to my chest, we had never had the chance to tell each other how much we loved one another " I love you too" I whispered between sobs.

       I won't be able to do what you ask of me I want to be with you, reaching into my pillowcase I pulled out a bottle of strong tranquilizers I had swiped a long time ago from the infirmary, standing up I walked into the bathroom walking over to the tub I filled it the voice in my head was begging me to not do it but I missed him so much I dumped half the bottle in my mouth swallowing them dry before climbing in the tub the water was freezing cold but I verily felt it.

 I clutched Yoongi' letter in my hand. I knew it would upset everyone that I did this but I needed to see him, to touch him once again. I rested my head against the tub as I grew drowsy I felt myself sliding deeper into the water but I could not find the strength to pull myself up.

I heard his voice " please do not do this if you truly love me let me go, the others need you now stop being so selfish, Jungkook needs you." I pushed myself out of the tub, the tub was overflowing 

  water covered the floor, I could no longer move, Yoongi wanted me to move on and I needed to be there for my friends, I was being selfish. My vision blurred I could verily make out a tall silhouette standing in the doorway, finally I could not hold on any longer and I blacked out.