The Thorn Of A Rose

Chapter One

There are small pleasures in life, pleasures that make us happy, satisfied and excited. Pleasures like cooking a new meal, perfecting an art, dancing alone in your kitchen. Then there are the big pleasures and there's only one big pleasure in my life which is an orgasm.

Never has a big pleasure been gifted to me by a man, no matter how in love with him I am, he can never give me life's greatest pleasure and yet I get so hooked on him, I would do anything for a man who can't even give me the one thing that I want in return. It's sad, really. So desperate to be loved that I'm not loving myself by giving methe one thing that I need.

I sit in my living room, my speakers on full blast as I play some old songs from before my time, preparing myself for the wedding from hell tomorrow.

There's three things that I'm absolutely certain of in this world; An orgasm is better when induced by a battery operated toy, meat from a tin is borderline human cruelty and lastly, weddings when single are the worst things ever.

I always thought I'd be the first of my uni friends to get married, and why wouldn't I think that? After all, I had the boyfriend, the longest relationship, I took him back time after time, we were the couple that would never split forever, mostly because I was too much of an idiot to leave him for good.

I never saw myself as an idiotat the time, until I looked back and I realisedthat being cheated on more times than I could count yet taking him back at the slightest apology was ridiculous. Believing him when he said that he was playing on a friends PlayStation until 6AM? That was Naive. Believing him when he said I was the only person that he'll ever love? I was blinded.

Yet here I am, opening a bottle of wine for me, myself and I on a Friday night. I'm listening to my dad's playlist on spotifyand I'm sat in a T-shirt that I used to wear when I was an overweight, unhappy 19 year old.

Am I unhappy with my life now? Definitely not. Am I bitter about the years I wasted on a man who didn't deserve a single second? Absolutely. But, having expressed my bitter feelings for a man who all of my friends think the sun shines out of the arse of, I'm grateful, because it's led to me knowing that I'm better off alone, relying on myself for the biggest pleasure of all.

I walk into my bedroom after pouring myself a glass of wine and root around in my box, the box most women have, the box of pure pleasure. As my thumb hovers over the 'on' button of my vibrating friend and my other hand finds a video that'll help me on my way to an orgasm, my phone vibrates, a message popping up.

'Cora: So, me and Dale have just split up'

Orgasm on hold.

I throw my vibrator down and click the message to compose a reply.

'Me: What? Why? Where did this come from?'

Cora is my friend from high school, she's been in her relationship for eight whole years, slept with just him, grew up with him and now...over. Cora is very independent, she's not phased by much in life, mostly because she doesn't particularly care about much, I personally think that it's a defense mechanism for her, and it works.

Her and Dale were a great match, neither of them are jealous, both are trusting people and both enjoy the same things; success and sex. But there's always something going wrong that most couples don't let on to others, an ability to drift. I see Cora almost five times a week. We do our workouts together, we go out at least twice a month together and we text most days when we have the time. Yet I never knew that a split was building between them.

I see the '...' come up on the text and I wait patiently, taking my glass of wine and sitting back on my sofa.

'Cora: We both want different things right now'