Wish I Was the One

One More Talk

Dean moves to the fridge and pulls out a few beers. He can feel them both staring at him as turns, handing one to Y/N and then Sam. "First of all, I'm sorry, Y/N/N. I don't know how I let her get to me."

"It's okay, Dean. It wasn't your fault. We were easy targets."

"That's the problem. We shouldn't have been. We were so distracted by each other that we didn't even see this coming."

"Dean how were we supposed to know that this was going to happen?" Sam asks.

"We should have stuck together. I shouldn't have been running off. I shouldn't have treated you the way I did, Y/N. Sam I should have known how you felt about her, and I should have backed off. We should have been paying attention to each other. She turned us against each other. Turned me against you both."

"Dean we can't blame ourselves. What's done is done. There's nothing we can do about it."

"I know that! But dammit, Y/N. Look at you! Look at what I did to you. Look at what I did to Sam."

"Enough!" Y/N hops off the table and stands between the brothers. "That's enough, Dean. It's done. She's taken care of. It doesn't matter what happened. What matters is that you're okay, that we're all okay." She steps closer to Dean. "I know what you're doing. You're not allowed to beat yourself up just because you beat Sam and I up. We're used to this. We're used to things coming after us and making us turn on each other. So, suck it up and drink your beer. And you're only allowed to drink beer, because I'm hiding the hard stuff!" She steps around Dean and walks out of the kitchen, leaving both brothers silent with wide eyes. Sam just shakes his head and smirks, taking a drink from the bottle in his hand.

Dean looks at his brother. "I'm sorry, Sam. I'm sorry everything I said. You know I didn't mean any of it, right?"

Sam sighs, "I know, Dean. It was Ate. She made everything worse."

"Yeah. So, you and Y/N?"

Sam looks down at the table. "Yeah. I know it's weird, but I love her."

"Yeah, I know. It's just gonna take some getting used to. Maybe I'll clear out for a while and let you two, by you." Dean clenches his jaw. "Let myself get used to it and try to get over everything."

"You don't have to do that, Dean. We're not going to rub it in your face. We still have a lot to work out. You two need to talk and settle everything between you. She and I need to talk and make sure this is what we're going to do. Besides, before we finally figured out that something was wrong, we had decided that we were gonna head down to New Orleans. Explore the city and all the historical landmarks. Be nerds." He looks up at Dean and sees the hurt behind his eyes. "If you want me to back off, I will. It'll suck, but I know how you feel about her. I did it before, I can do it again."

"No, Sammy. You deserve her. She deserves someone who can give her what she wants. Someone who can make her happy. That used to be me, but I ruined it. I hurt her too much and I know that it would take her too long to get past that to even think about being with me again. As much as I want to be with her, she's better off with you." Dean sets his bottle down and wipes a hand over his mouth. "Um, I'm gonna go talk to her. See if she really did hide the liquor."

Sam nods. "Uh yeah. Okay. I'm gonna see what I can salvage from the mess."

His older brother just nods before turning and walking out, following the same path Y/N took.

~~

Dean finds Y/N in her room sorting through the chaos he created. He watches her pick up a few different books and sigh. He knows she is going to have to replace everything. He remembers everything. He remembers leaving nothing untouched during his angry tirade. He knows she's gonna have to get new clothes, a new bed, new everything. He won't let her buy anything though, he'll replace it all.

"Hey, sweetheart." He says quietly, causing her to look up at him.

"Hey." She says putting the books down.

"Let's go for a drive." He nudges his head back down the hallway.

"Now's not really a good time, Dean. In case you haven't noticed."

"I know, but let's go get you some clothes." He looks at her with a pleading look. His hazel eyes, sad.

She stares back at him for a moment before looking around the room and nodding. "Alright. Yeah, let's go." She picks up her jacket and moves towards him. They move through hallway and into the War Room where Sam is picking up chairs and lamps. She moves over to the taller brother, putting a hand on his arm to help steady her as she stretches on her toes to kiss him. Dean looks down at his feet, not wanting to watch their exchange. He can hear them whisper a few things before giving each other one last kiss and saying their affections.

"Ready, Dean?"

He clears his throat. "Yeah, let's go." He looks up and gives Sam a nod as he follows Y/N through the rest of the Bunker and into the garage. They both climb into Baby, rolling the windows down. Dean pulls the car out of the garage and onto the streets. Cool autumn air moving through the windows, blowing Y/N hair around her face and her perfume around the car.

They drive for a few miles before Dean speaks. "We really need to talk."

"We did talk, Dean."

"You know what I mean." He looks over at her for a moment before looking back at the road. He hears her sigh.

"I know." He hears the leather squeak under her she shifts around to look at him. "I just know what to say."

"Is Sam really who you want?" He grips the wheel tight, already knowing the answer.

"Yeah, he is. It's not because I don't love you, Dean. I do, I just-" She wrings her hands together in her lap. "-I just love Sam more. What you and I had was great, but when you ended things you just made it seems like I didn't matter anymore. And we've talked about this. You hurt me, and Sam was there. Sam has always been there and I think somewhere deep down, before you and I ever started whatever we had, I knew I loved him. I just didn't want to accept it. And when you started showing interest in me, I jumped at the chance to be with you. But I love, Sam. I love him. And I'm sorry that I can't love you the way that you want me to, but I do love you. And it's going to take me a while to get over how much I love you and I always will. We just have to move on."

He doesn't have to look at her to hear the tears in her voice. He reaches a hand over to her and she takes it. "I know, sweetheart. It's going to take some time. It's going to suck to watch you two together, but you both deserve to be happy. You deserve someone who will treat you right. Someone who won't screw things up." She sniffs, and he looks over at her. "I'm sorry that I couldn't be that for you."

She closes her eyes as her face scrunches up, more tears falling. "Me too. I want you to be happy, D. I'm sorry that it can't be with me." She hiccups, gripping his hand tight in both of hers.

He pulls Baby off to the side of the road and puts her in park. Pulling her across the seat to meet him in the middle, he holds her while she cries. "Hey. I will be happy. As long as you and Sammy are happy, then I will be. You two mean everything to me and if being together means that you are happy, then I'll step back and leave you be. It'll be hard, I'm not gonna lie, but it will be worth it." He puts a hand on the back of her head as she nods against his shoulder. He kisses her hair. "Just be happy. That's all I want."

He holds her a little longer, letting her calm down enough to pull away. He holds her face in his hands and wipes her tears away with his thumbs. "Now I don't know about you, but I'm starving. What do you say, we get some food before you drag me around the store?" He says, hoping to brighten her mood a little.

She gives a small laugh before nodding. "That sounds great."

He smiles at her and pulls her in to leave a kiss on her forehead and another hug, before the pull apart and he puts the car in drive and continues their journey.

Both taking in a deep breath, knowing everything between them will be okay. It may take some time, but they will be okay.