𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐃𝐎 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 • 𝐉𝐄𝐍𝐙𝐈𝐄

3.60

there was a knock at johnny's door. he buried himself under his covers once again. "go away!" he yelled.

whoever it was let themselves in, and the door shut behind him. they sat on his bed and sighed before talking. "johnny, it's me."

johnny groaned, pulling his head out of his covers and bundling them up to his chest. "go away, choppy."

she looked at him sadly, putting a hand on her chest as a joke. "i'm hurt."

he scoffed. "just leave."

"i'm not leaving you. you're my twin. i'm supposed to be there for you."

"fine." he huffed, picking at the threads on his comforter.

"have you- have you been crying?" lauren gasped, clapping a hand over her mouth.

johnny buried his head under the covers again. "no!" he insisted loudly. his reaction gave him away, and they both knew it.

"wow." lauren breathed. "she's some girl, huh."

johnny pulled himself out of his blankets once again with tears in his eyes. "i wish emotions had an off switch."

lauren laughed, shoving him over and stretching out beside him. "do you wanna tell me what happened? you've been shut in your room for the last week, and your only explanation for coming home- limping i might add- an absolute mess, crying and all, is that you broke up with mackenzie."

johnny sighed, pushing his hair out of his face. "there was a list." he swallowed. "mackenzie made a list with her sister, and if she completed everything on it, her sister was going to convince their mom to pay for mackenzies college tuition."

lauren was confused. "what does that have to do with anything? what was on the list?"

johnny counted on his fingers. "buying lingerie. skinny dipping. kissing a stranger. going to a party. sneaking a boy in overnight. getting drunk. having sex in a car, losing her virginity in public, going clubbing, and getting drunk." he finished bitterly, and covered his face with his hands.

lauren was incredulous. "oh my fucking god. holy fuck. no way. you did like, almost all of that shit."

"yeah." johnny sighed. "we- we were in her car, and i accidentally kicked open her glovebox, and the list was in there, and i read it and blew up in her face. i- no joke- was screaming and yelling at her."

"oh john." lauren was upset now too.

"now i- i'm trying to sort out what parts of our relationship were real, and which were fake- or if there even was a relationship there at all." to his horror, he teared up again.

"it was real. oh my god johnny, it was real. i- i've never seen two people so happy together. you guys just have that spark... and a lot of people don't have that. i honestly didn't think i would ever see my older brother fall for a girl so hard like you did. you were practically tripping over yourself trying to charm her."

johnny rolled away. "stop it. stop it. i don't want to think about her."

"why?"

"it hurts too much."

"you're in love with her."

"uh- no i'm not."

"you said it yourself. you wish feelings had an off switch."

"i never said that!"

"uh, yes, you did- and you know it!"

"okay fine." johnny huffed. "i love her. now how do i un-love her?"

"you don't. you go and you get your sorry ass over to her house and beg for her to take you back."

"i don't think you get it, lauren. she used me."

"okay, lets play a game. i say something, and you tell me the first thing that pops into your head."

"how-"

"just fucking do it." lauren growled.

"fine." he huffed, rolling onto his back so he was looking up at the ceiling.

"sky."

"clouds?"

"good." lauren said. "grass?"

"green."

"sun?"

"hot."

"boyfriend?"

"me."

lauren raised an eyebrow but kept going. "future?"

"sad."

"wedding?"

"bride."

"bride?"

"mackenzie." johnny said without thinking. when lauren let out a whoop of laughter, johnny tried to correct himself. "fuck, no, i-"

lauren put a finger to his lips. "you said her name when i said bride, and that means you want to marry her. so there. you love her."

all at once, it was too much for him. "i don't think you get it, lauren. fuck me, i love her. of course i love her. but she lied, and she used me, and she hurt me. i'm waiting for her to come to me, because that's the only way i'll find out if she actually cares- but i was such an ass on that night she'll never want to come back anyway. i fucked up, she fucked up, and now neither of us can do anything about it. so yes i love her, but we aren't getting back together."

lauren sighed. "okay. if- if you think that will make you happy, then i'll support you. i think."

johnny rolled his eyes. "of course i won't be happy. she's going to move on in all of two hours and i'll be like this for two months. but it's better this way. i don't need love."

"you keep telling yourself that." lauren laughed. "i don't think she'll move on in two hours. in fact, i think she's more upset than you."

"why would you think that?"

"because i saw her and her older sister at the mall the other day. she had a panic attack, and almost was taken to hospital."

johnny paled, he swallowed back his tears.

so she was hurting too.

HEY THERE

not posting till i get 310 followers because i am all about that #clout and i have no shame