Coming Home

Chapter 12

I woke up with a pounding headache. What had happened yesterday? Memories of blood and pain and death slowly began to trickle into my consciousness. Ah. So that's what. Probably drank myself stupid. Shit. I checked my door, it was still locked, and headed to the bathroom.

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Arthur had just been dropped off at the gym and Morgana and I were busy in the store. We were having a sale just for a little bit as a way to try and get more people interested in the store. The majority of our customers were regulars and the numbers had slowly been dwindling. I tried to focus on the customers, not on Morgana, not on how tired I was, not on how much I wanted to go home and sleep eternity away, but no matter how hard I prayed to the Triple Goddess, I was just slowly retreating away, into my shell, away from the shop, away from the town, away from Morgana, away from Arthur, away from everything.

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Morgana was in her room while I read on the couch. Arthur was cooking. Not that I minded; if he wanted to cook, then he could. It's not like he was bad at it either. He was decent at it, and it was nice, for a change, to not have to force myself to cook. My stomach clenched at the thought of food. Maybe not today. I was getting nauseous just thinking about having to eat.

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It was around four in the morning now and I still hadn't fallen asleep. I could hear soft breathing from the rooms next to me, signalling that the others were sleeping. But yet I still could not fall asleep. I rolled onto my side in frustration and looked at the wall, shutting my eyes.

I decided against that after memory after memory assaulted my vision. My mind raced with worry and fear. What would happen if the bookstore closed? Would Arthur be alright on his own? Would Morgana ever be able to forgive us? Maybe I should just cut. Just one more time. I hadn't done it in months and I was itching for the pain. I mean, I wouldn't go too deep and it wasn't like I was trying to kill myself. I just needed something to focus on. There was too much going on.

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Ok. So I did cut. What's the big deal? It's not like anyone needed to know. And they wouldn't know. The darkness was creeping up again and I had no idea why. I had been getting better, happier, less floaty, and more grounded. But now it was all rushing back. Maybe I really wasn't meant to ever feel right again. I wouldn't be surprised. I was feeling under the weather lately too. Maybe I was just getting sick. I don't know. But I was regressing back to where I had been before Arthur and Morgana had arrived.

I really didn't know what to do.