Happy Accident // David Dobrik

4. I Miss That

All the, possibilities, so many endings
So many different things that define our idea of living.
Like our distance from the sun,
Our atmospheres composure,
The fact that we don't know how long our lives are till they're over.
Well, right here my dear
Everybody says they've already seen tomorrow.
And its clear,
I haven't got enough spare time for you tomorrow.

He took his arm off of me and continued editing. I still rested my head on his shoulder. I watched as he put his vlog together.
"Do you ever take a break?" I asked
"Fuck no." He said staring at the screen.
"Why not? Isn't it stressful?" I pondered
"Yeah it's very stressful, but I love it. The stress is easier when you have someone to help you through it, but I don't have anyone." He said as he was editing a few more clips in.
"Sure you do, look at all your friends." I said
"Yeah they're great, but I miss having someone." He said
"You mean like a girlfriend?" I asked
"Yeah...I miss that."
"You'll find someone, you're wonderful." I assured
"Yeah right." He scoffed sarcastically
"Oh shut up, you're gonna find your person." I said
He paused for a moment.
"Do you ever miss it?" He asked
"Miss what?" I inquired
"Being with someone?"
"No. I don't do relationships." I spat out quickly and laughed a little
"Why is that?" He looked at me and furrowed his brows.
I didn't want to get into it, but I felt a certain trust with him for some reason.
"I'm too precise with everything. Everything has to be perfect. I'm difficult to be with." I explained
"Who told you that you were too difficult to be with?" He asked
I thought about how to word my sentence without revealing too much.
"Some guy back in Maine. We dated for a few years. He told me that being with me was the most stressful thing he's ever been through." I laughed at myself.
"What an asshole. You're not stressful. You shouldn't stop being in relationships just because some douche said something stupid." He advised
I lifted my head off of his shoulder.
"Well, I don't think you know me well enough to say I'm not stressful. Trust me, if you hung out with me all the time, you would know that I'm a pain to be around." I said
"I doubt that." He gave me a side hug.
"You shouldn't."
"Well there's only one way to find out if you're a pain to be around, so I guess I'll just have to hang out with you all the time." He joked.
"Shut the fuck up." I snickered resting my head on his shoulder again.

After all the stuff that happened with the guy in Maine, I never wanted to be in a relationship. I never even thought I liked a guy after that. I just need friends right now.

We paused before we spoke again. We just let our thoughts consume our consciousness for a moment. I inhaled the cool air. Every now and then a breeze would go by and make my eyes water.
"You know where I haven't been for a while?" He shattered the silence.
"Where?" I asked talking my head off in his shoulder and looking into his eyes.
He spoke
"A beach or something, haven't seen the ocean in a while."
"Me too, too bad it cold as fuck." I shivered reminding myself of the feeling of the frigid air.
"Let's go to the beach on the hottest day of this week." He suggested
"I'm down." I shrugged
I checked the time on my phone.
2:49 am
"Shit, I gotta call an Uber." I mumbled
"Oh do you have to go home?" He asked
"Yeah."
"You can crash on my couch." He offered
"No, it's good I'll just call an Uber." I declined
"Well if you won't stay at my house then I'll drive you home." He negotiated.
"You bought me a phone, you don't have to give me a ride." I argued
"Well I'll take your phone back so you can't call an Uber." He laughed
A smile found its way on my face when he laughed, and for a second I felt something. My heart throbbed. I got giddy but only for one tiny second. I immediately put an end to that feeling. Telling myself that it's impossible for me to be loved and to drop any hypothetical that I may have had a tiny feeling for this person. I tried to make myself forget that I felt anything at all. I blamed my heart throb on the cold temperature and brushed off the memory.
"If you insist." I spat out standing up quickly.
He had a confused look on his face from my sudden mood change and my quickly paced action, a reflection if my internal battle of denying emotions I attempt to bury along with my old self. I used to be a believer in love. Not anymore.
I reached my hand out to help him up. He grabbed on and pulled himself off of the ground. He still looked confused, as if he could hear the war between logic and emotion in my mind.
"Are you okay?" He asked walking to his car, me walking next to him.
"Never better." I fake smiled, shoving my hands in the pockets of the jean jacket he had let me borrow.
Why does he care? No one has ever cared.
We both got in the car and escaped from the cool atmosphere.
He looked at me before he started the car.
"You seem, kinda upset. Are you sure you're doing okay?" He asked
"What are you so worried about? I mean I'm never really okay but that's just how I am." I laughed.
"Why, why aren't you okay?" He chuckled a bit, starting his car.
I shrugged.
"I don't know, I just feel a little lost I guess. I just need black coffee or some weed." I said, looking out the window.
"You smoke?" He asked
"No, not anymore.It kinda makes me sick. But I really feel like getting high." I rubbed my eyes.
"Well don't. I don't want you to get sick." He said.
"Why is it you care so much huh? Why are you so worried about me?" I asked
"I don't know I just care. I'd hate to see you hurt or something. I'd hate to see anyone hurt." He explained
"Well stop. I mean you're a super cool guy but just let me get high, then throw up." I joked
"No." He laughed
I laughed too.
As he drove I watched all the sparkling lights in the city. I pondered at the fact he cared. It was so foreign to have someone worry about my well being. I was unfamiliar to the feeling of being cared about. I didn't like the cheesy feeling. It made me feel weird. I fell asleep for a little in the car.

David shook me awake.
"Wake up sleepy head." He laughed
My eyes fluttered open and yawned.
"Can I walk you to your place?" He asked
"If you wanna." I said opening the car door.
We walked into the lobby, followed by us going into the elevator.
"I'm so fucking tired." He stretched.
"Me too." I chuckled.
We got to my floor. He walked me to my apartment.
"Bye bye." He said with droopy eyes.
He hugged me for a long time.
"You gonna let go?" I laughed
"Yeah, But I could fall asleep right now." He said resting his head on my shoulder as he was in my arms.
"Are you gonna be able to drive?" I asked
"I'll probably fall asleep in the car, but my car drives itself so I'll be fine." He joked releasing the hug.
"No don't. I don't want you to die." I snickered.
"Then what am I suppose to do, sleep on your couch?" He yawned
"If you want." I shrugged.
"Really?" He asked
"Sure." I giggled
"I don't wanna be weird or anything." He laughed softly
"It's not, we're buddies." I said
"If you say so." He shrugged.
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A/N
i feel like i'm no good at writing.