You know that feeling...the feeling of something being horribly off but not knowing what?
You know that feeling of wanting to get up out of bed but being terrified that if you do you won't make it through the day?
You know that feeling of sleepless nights, staying up until the wee hours of the morning, contemplating your life?
You know that feeling you get when someone asks you what you are thinking of and you reply with"nothing" and they get mad because you aren't telling them,but in reality it's because you really weren't thinking of anything, because in that moment you didn't exist?
You know that feeling of being horrified of the teacher calling on you in class?
You know that feeling when you can see your friends just stop asking how you are doing and and stop trying to make plans with you,or even just stop talking to you in general?
You know that feeling you get as a girl when in winter and you have to walk anywhere,even to go get the mail,and it's already starting to get dark and there is a creepy looking man near you or on the other side of the street?
You know that feeling of looking at houses and deeming which ones would be safe for you to knock on the door of if you needed help?
You know that feeling when you work really hard on something and all you get is a "cool" or something?
You know that feeling when you learn that you actually annoy your "friends" with your depression and they are starting to think it's for attention or that you are a brat or selfish because of it?
You know that feeling after the realization of that your friends think that way and feeling horrible because it's not like you asked to be depressed and you are just trying your best to survive every day?
You know that feeling where you are laying in bed and about to cry and you can kind of feel the tightness of your throat and you can feel the sobs welling up inside you and all you want is to be held by someone?
You know that feeling of staying the night at your best friends house with your entire group of friends and you are in their room changing or something while everyone else is in the kitchen or living room and you hear them all laughing and having fun and you realize that nothing would change if you were gone?
You know that feeling you get when a friend tells you that you are valid and needed in your group but then you see yourself start to drift away and litteraly nothing is changing without you?
You know that feeling when your best friend stops caring about your problems and they get mad at you for telling them your problems all the time,and the only reason why you even do it is because they are the only person who you thought cared and was the only one you trusted?
You know that feeling of finally giving up to have friends or anyone who cares so you sit alone at break and in class and at lunch and read or draw or write or do something that will cover up the aching pain in your chest?
You know that feeling you get when you are called on in class and everyone is still talking or people are laughing while you explain something and you just want to jump off the face of the Earth?
You know that feeling you get when you are in a group and you are talking and you suddenly stop talking and no one is bothered by it or even realizes you were talking?
You know that feeling when you are at home and can hear your family enjoying themselves in the living room and wanting to join but not wanting to interrupt and somehow ruin everything?
You know that feeling you get when someone tells you that you mean allot to them but then not even a month later they have stopped talking to you?
Because I know that feeling all too well.
Because I live in that feeling all the time.
