Torn

Chapter Four.

Walking out of the living room, I clenched my fist. I was leaving, and I was ready. Knowing what my father did to my mom, angered me. It wasn't right, and we were going to get out of there. I entered my room, and looked around it. This, was going to be the last time I looked around my room. My room. After a few minutes, I took a step, and was dizzy. This needed to be done. I grabbed an old backpack from when I was younger, and looked for stuff that was necessary. Favorite small things, pictures, medication, charger, phone, earbuds, etc. I couldn't forget bigger things like clothes and toiletries. I stopped, and thought. Thought about how my friends probably wouldn't notice how I disappeared. But, I didn't want to leave them hanging, in case they did, in fact, notice me. But how? A letter? No, no... I didn't wanna be old fashioned like that, plus, if they did notice I was missing, they would probably try and find me. Enough thinking about this, I need to get ready. I pulled my favorite over my plain red t-shirt, and rested the backpack straps on my shoulders, and went to go check on my mom. She was still getting ready, brushing her teeth and fixing her hair. She looked at me, and we made eye contact. For once in a long, long time, we both smiled a genuine smile. I missed her, a lot, and I could tell she missed me too. After she finished getting ready, we left. Together, at last.

Leaving the house, the same breeze caught my face and stayed there. It was chilled outside, just beginning autumn. Night was beautiful. The stars, the moon, the way everything was cast as a shadow. Lights dimmed, people dreaming. But with every night, there's day. Always day, somewhere. I looked at my mom, and her eyes shined. She was finally free, and I felt her happiness engulf me. It felt like butterflies, morphing into doves. The feeling of meaning something to someone. I loved that I had my mom back, after all of these years. Now that I remember, she was always the one to defend me, when her and my father would argue. I reached my hand out for hers, and she grasped it. The warmth of a mother and a daughter, felt like the best thing ever. Skipping down the driveway, playfully giggling, the sound of our shoes hitting the ground. We were acting like elementary students. Letting go of my hand, she hopped into the driver seat, and me, in the passenger. Turning the engine on, the heaters eventually began to function, which felt really good, because I was getting cold. I took my hands out of my pocket and placed them in front of one of the heaters. My mom turned on the radio, but took out her phone. I was confused, because she never texted and drove. But, instead of opening the texting app, she opened itunes. She realized I was looking, and quickly turned her phone away. She clicked on something, then typed something in. Then, she turned the radio up, loud, and a big grin appeared on my face. My favorite band, The Neighborhood. She had connected her phone and played their music.

On the drive to the domestic abuse shelter, we danced and sang to the songs. I had my window cracked open, so it was a mixture of warm and cold.  Perfect. We pulled into the driveway, and parked. Walking to the building, the small talk, it was all perfect. I never ever thought this would happen. Registering, I looked around. There were so many people like my mom and I, going through the same thing as we are. For once, I didn't feel alone. I felt like I was included. Like my feelings, mattered. The conversation my mom and the recipient had, the details of what had happened between my parents, was absolutely crazy. It got more emotional, and there had been more tears. After what felt like forever, we got booked a room to stay in until' we found somewhere else to stay. This was new, so I didn't exactly know what to do. I thanked the recipient that booked us the room and caught up with my mom. Her face was red, and one more tear slipped from her eye. Our eyes caught contact, and she smiled and wiped away her tears with her sleeve. I was truly her happiness, and it felt like I was on top of the world.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Better. Much, much better. I don't doubt he'll come home and be confused, but it's all worth it. I'm finally free from that asshole, and I have my beautiful daughter with me through the journey. Thank you, for coming with me. Believing me. I know I treated you so bad and was never there, but i'm here now, and i'm here to stay."

Hearing her say that, gave me hope. Lots and lots of hope. I love her so much.

"Mom, you made the right decision, for leaving him. What you guys had was toxic, and you deserve so much better. Of course I was going to go with you, you're my mom and you gave me life. You could of well ended my life, and you chose not to. What happened between us is in the past, and you don't have to worry anymore. We're in this together, and I love you with all of my heart. Believe me when I say that."

We both smiled, and hugged. Feeling her in my arms brought back nostalgia. When she would tell me old stories when my hair was in braids and I was in my pajamas, and when she would cook me breakfast before school to make sure that I was fed. That was my mom, that IS my mom, and I finally have her again. There was no other way I could thank her.

I took off my shoes and jumped on my bed. Resting my head on the pillow, I closed my eyes.

"Mom?"

"Yes, honey?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."

We smiled once again, and drifted off to sleep.