Crush

chapter 6 - The Psychiatrist

Dr. Kevin Matthews sat at his desk reading through his next patients file once again. Thorne Baker. D.O.B 08/05/2000.

He turned the page, scanning through the sheets. Diagnosis - bipolar disorder. History in the family. Blood phobia brought on from P.T.S.D. Father murdered mother. Found not guilty by reason of insanity.

He closed the file standing up and walking out of his office. "Thorne Baker," he said the name out loud, to the reception area filled with patients all waiting their turn.

The boy stood up and followed the doctor into his office, sitting on the opposite side of him.

He peered over at the fish tank that had been there ever since he'd started seeing the psychiatrist.

"So how has your month been," the doctor asked first, peering over his bifocals.

Thorne prised his eyes away from the little fishes swimming around, and on to his doctor. He was an aging man about forty years old with a few sprinklings of white hairs on his head.

"Its been chill for the most part, schools going good, and everything is fine at home." He shrugged non commitedly.

It was difficult to get enthusiastic when he was asked the same questions every month.

Dr. Matthews nodded his head, then wrote something down in his notes, "and living with your aunt and uncle. Hows that going?"

"So far so good, I've been with them for nearly two years now. Like I've said before they made me feel welcome the first time I moved in, they're really great people." Thorne answered slowly, starting to flex and unflex his fists in discomfort.

One of the reasons he'd stopped taking his medication was the repetitiveness of his treatment. Meeting a psychiatrist every month for the past year and even more frequently before then had taken its toll on the boy.

From living with his grandmother, then on to his aunt, and uncle, he had been medicated ever since, and although he felt somewhat comforted by the tablets, he was also ready to see how he could cope without the use of them.

Especially now he had such a strong support system and a steady relationship.

"And do you still feel its your fault what happened to your mother."

"No not anymore," he lied. "I know what happened was my dad's doing and no one else's.

It had taken a long time to work out that it was easier to tell the doctor what he wanted to hear, instead of exploring why he blamed himself for what transpired that fateful night. Being told it was survivors guilt at the beginning when he'd been more open to talking about it hadn't helped at all.

Thorne knew despite everything anyone said, part of the responsibility lay on him for what happened between his parents. They had been so happy before he was born. His mother always mentioned that time like it had been a magical phase in their relationship.

Thorne's thoughts were broken by the faint sound of his doctor writing notes on the paper in front of him.

"What were you thinking about just then," Dr. Matthews asked, breaking the silence.

"Actually there was something I wanted to talk to you about. It's my medication," Thorne said, sceptically. "I was wondering if i could stop taking it from now on."

There was no harm in asking, not that he was planning to go back on it if the answer was a no.

The doctor pushed his bifocals higher up his nose. "I think for now we've finally found something that works for you, you seem to be thriving on it and it would be irresponsible to stop at this point in time."

It was as if Thorne had already known the answer. He shouldn't have bothered asking. Nothing ever changed in his treatment. At this rate he would be where he is now next year at university.

"Lets wait a little while, it's not been long since we've gotten your mood to properly stabilise." the doctor added.

"I've never felt more calm and secure as I do now, everything seems to be going well for me and I don't think its because of the medication im taking,"

It was true nothing signalled any change in his life, he hadn't had a catastrophic relapse as soon as he stopped taking the tablets.

In fact he felt better than he had in a long time.

The doctor tapped on the paper markedly, "it hasn't been that long since your last thoughts of suicide though has it?"

Thorne sucked in a shallow breath. That was a point of contention, it was just a thought and not something he had properly considered.

At the time he had been proud of telling Dr. Matthews because it wasn't something he would have contemplated earlier on in his therapy, but now it was being thrown back in his face.

"You're right I'm not one hundred percent just yet," Thorne once again said what he thought he should say.

The doctor smiled nodding his head, "and what about your physical health, how are you eating and sleeping."

"Good, I'm eating three square meals a day and sleeping for eight hours, I'm also trying to drink 2 litres of water," Thorne told the truth.

It was mostly because Carter his rugby coach recommended a healthy lifestyle for his players.

"That's great you're doing really well. And if you carry on with this progress I don't see why you can't lead a normal life for yourself."

Thats all Thorne wanted was to be like everyone else at school carefree and unmedicated.

Doctor Matthews cleared his throat, closing the file in front of him pointedly. "I've gotten the notes of your weekly session with your psychologist. Mrs. Doherty says your making great progress with your blood phobia."

"I'm trying," Thorne shrugged, his whole body growing hot, "I might be ready to take a blood test soon."

He felt embarrassed about his fear of something so small and insignificant as a needle.

"Thats really great, it's not something to take lightly especially when youve seen as much blood as you have in your lifetime." The doctor said "Now is there anything else you want to discuss before we finish for today?"