Foreword: After Reading through the first few paragraphs of my first attempt, it became clear to me that I was not very good at writing, like, at all. If you are reading this prior to reading my first draft, I ask that you go take a look at it, if not for a few laughs. :) Whilst reading I found new ideas coming to the forefront of my mind. I started to type and soon I had, what I felt, a much better first page. I am now fairly eager to continue this after going through the typical planning process that I happened to remember is fairly essential to most creative works, typing out a summary of the story and giving my characters a back story and their overall intentions.
So without further ado, here is the revised first page. Feedback would be greatly appreciated.
1: The Asylum
Liam woke, panic stricken. He could barely take a breath, the air felt thick and stuffy. He could not be certain if he was blind, or if the room was just dark. The last thing he remembered...
He was in London, standing in the middle of the bustling avenues of Piccadilly Circus, Shouting at anyone that would listen. He was trying to warn them. Prior to this he had, had a vision, this vision had shown him a very dark and disturbing scene, one thing he was certain of, was that he was seeing the future; and a potentially dire outcome of the human race. Of course; no one wanted to listen so he had given up. He began the usual fight through the seemingly endless crowd of people, all oblivious to the knowledge Liam was trying to pass on; No-one would listen, he began to imagine everyone, trapped in their own little bubble, going about their day to day lives, paying no mind to anyone else around. "It may be better this way" He had thought. "Better that they carry on with their lives, happy, un-aware of the dangers they may face in the future, then again maybe it was just a dream". But he hadn't truly believed that, he knew the difference between dreams, and reality. Dreams were always foggy, lacking in detail; in some way or another, dreams never made much sense. This vision, this Premonition, it was real, and he could feel it.
YOU ARE READING
His Darkened World (Previously called 'The Darkness')
Fantasy'The cataclysm was without warning, only a young man with an ancient heritage was aware; the human race must adapt to survive.' I would like some feedback on a revised first page of a story I attempted to write 8 years ago. I was 16 when I first wro...
