Today Wasn't The Best

The Razing

Heavens waves were channeling me
And went fuzzy.
The plug, disconnected.
Everything mistranslated.

I am lost and
Nowhere to be found.

The bulletproof vest was never
Actually bulletproof,
Despite convincing myself
Otherwise.

Within it,
Lies a chunk of deteriorating flesh
Kept in motion by electric wires
And a false sense of motivation.

I stand at the cliff
Glancing over the edge,
Curious if I've really got the guts
To leap over.

I've really made it here,
To the dimly lit room
At the back of my mind
Now buzzing, humming with electricity.
The concealed juggernaut within,
Working at full throttle.

Here I stand,
No longer an aching rehearsal,
No longer a bleak fantasy,
But a living,
Writhing,
Tormented
Reality.

It's all gonna pan out beautifully.

The time has come
To fulfill my long-standing dream.
I am here to proclaim at last
That I've
Completely
Lost
It.

I won't even have to fear
What a million mouths might spew
In the morning. 

This is the manifestation of
everything I am.

The brutal reflection of
everything I am not.

The infection
Has won the war,
And parades its victory banner
Down the streets of my conscience
In deep, crimson streaks

The choked sob,
Stifled for years
Clangs its bells
At last.

So I take a step forward,
Cut off the outside world
And operate without thoughts for
Twelve breathless seconds.

But, somehow
I met my own eyes,
Scared of what I was capable of.

I couldn't muster the courage.

So everytime I open the medicine cabinet,
I'm burdened with the tale.