Swing of Fate

Anxiety

"Ryota, you're way out of it!" Taka scolded halting the practice.

Ryota stopped and looked at the three with an apologizing gaze. He placed his guitar down and sat on the floor.

"Sorry," he muttered lowly.

Taka went over, furious, "You've been like this since last week! What is your problem?"

Ryota just looked down, staring at the floor.

"Oi, oi, Taka. Stop that, you're being too hard on him." Toru said while sitting on the bench inside the studio.

"But you know how important this is for us," Taka argued.

Tomoya stood up from his drums and walked towards Ryota,

"Yeah, We know but we can't force Ryota to do it if he can't. It would be nice if he could tell us what we can do to help him bring his drive back. Ryota, you're really not yourself since last week." Tomoya patted Ryota's back.

Ryota kept quiet. After a few seconds, he looked up and asked them in a low voice,

"Could I go out for a while? I need some fresh air."

Toru looking at the expression on Ryota's face, replied before Taka could answer,

"Take your time."

"Don't worry about the equipments, I'll do it. Go now." Tomoya said.

Ryota stood up quietly and went to the door.

"Why did you let him? What we need to do now is practice!"

Taka was fuming while talking to Toru after the door closed.

"I've been with that guy since grade school and I've seen that expression before. He needs some time alone." Toru calmly replied.

After leaving the studio, Ryota looked up the sky. It was just past one o'clock. Drenched in the afternoon sun,

"I'm such loser. Everyone is moving forward with their music." Ryota muttered to himself. He started to walk aimlessly.

Ryota started to wander on the streets, taking one turn after another. More than being lost on where to go, he was more lost in his thoughts. He was thinking of several things:
Why can't he play with enthusiasm just like when they were starting the band?
Why does it seem he's being left behind in skills?
Is playing the bass in a band was something he really wanted to do?
If it is, then why can't he have confidence with it?

He found himself inside a park near the hospital, saw empty swing and sat on it.

"Mou, all this thinking is causing me headaches!" He said aloud while scratching his head.

Swinging unconsciously, he blurted loudly, "Why do I have to feel this uncertainty again!"

Planning to swing forcefully, he suddenly saw a pair of feet in front of him. He stopped abruptly to avoid hitting the person in front of him.

He immediately stood and bowed, saying "I'm sorry" repeatedly. Several seconds passed after apologizing, Ryota heard no response. He peeked without looking up since he has his eyes closed while apologizing and could still see the pair of feet. He apologized again, still there's no response. He gathered all his courage and looked up. He was stunned at what he saw. He saw a girl, she was pretty but expressionless. She was looking at Ryota with blank eyes.

Ryota shyly smiled and said, "I'm so sorry, I almost hit you." The girl remained quiet and expressionless.

Lost at what to do, he slumped back at the swing and slowly moved it.

The girl was not leaving. Ryota started to feel uncomfortable but tried his best to ignore it.

"What is this girl doing?" "Why isn't she moving or saying anything?"

These are the questions playing on his mind while swinging and uncomfortably moving his gaze from the girl and back to the ground.

After several minutes, Ryota felt that the silence will make him mad.

He stood up, getting ready to question the girl when a nurse came running.

"Sorry, mister but you are sitting on her favorite swing. Could you please move and let her use it?" said the nurse, panting.

Ryota quietly moved to the other swing, still confused with what was happening.

He watched as the nurse assisted the girl to sit by the swing he was occupying earlier. The girl started swinging slowly.

Ryota found himself looking at the girl face. It was pretty, he said to himself.

Cute small eyes, pointed nose and slightly round chin. Her cheekbones would have been pronounced too if she was not looking so pale.

"Hey, Ryota it's rude to stare."

So he decided to look at the other direction but to no avail. He still threw glances to the girl who remained looking straight with a blank expression. They remained like this for hours.

Sitting beside the quiet girl, Ryota felt calmed. The silence which he thought earlier that would drive him crazy actually made him feel at ease. A feeling of peace he hasn't felt for the last week. He smiled at the thought and was shocked that he could actually smile like before. But as dusk approached, he saw the nurse came to assist the girl back to hospital. He decided to call it a day as well and went home. Feeling differently than he was earlier that day.

As he looked back at the hospital he asked himself,

"Was she sick of something?"

That question as well as the blank expression of the pretty girl stayed on his mind.