A/N
Not proof read.....
(Beam)
Lenny was still not here.
And also there was no news about him.
Where is he...
"Maybe you can go out now" Kit said, me a cup of coffee.
"Lenny told me not to" I mumbled, sipping on my coffee.
Kit sighed. "You are being a perfect wife for him. Aren't you?"
I looked down.
"He is the only one I have right now"
Kit let out a small laugh.
"Can you remember? You used to say that exact same thing about Forth"
"You said that whenever me or Phana forced you to break up" Kit said.
"You don't have to remind me how emotionally weak and dependant I am! Pha already did!!"
Kit rubbed his temple.
"It's not about you being weak. It's just about you always putting yourself down. Telling yourself it is ok to be disrespected by him"
"I know you loved Forth. But did you loved him to extent of thinking that it's ok for him to cheat right in front of you" Kit said.
I just didn't want to respond to that. Neither Phana nor Kit knew about the real nature of my relationship with Forth. It is true that it was toxic. But was very complicated.
Before I started dating him, I had a playful life. Not to the extent of a Casanova, but I played a lot.
Then I met him, at a club. Actually he was eye fucking me as I danced. When our eyes met, I felt a connection. Not love. Not lust. Just a connection. My heart did not flutter. And I did not feel fire inside my body.
The only thing I felt Was The connection. It felt like I was a part of him. It felt like I was him and he was me. That connection Was The only thing I felt at the beginning.
But when we started dating that connection grew stronger. So was my love for him, for he was gentle and loving.
But after few months he started cheating. He fucked girls like he was not in a relationship with me. The most painful part was, him not being ashamed or regretful about anything he did.
I brought it up to him. And his reply made me realize that he was really messed up.
"Imagine that you are still in highschool. When you go home after school you know for sure that your mom has a perfect dinner prepared for you. But you still snack around right? Even there's a dinner at your home, you cannot just hold back yourself from eating a ice cream right? You know it's bad. But still you can't get used to not snacking. And that doesn't mean that you don't like the dinner. And you are eating that all too"
But people are not food, Forth....
That was when I realized that our relationship has no future.
But I couldn't break it off. Because when Forth trailed down gentle kisses on my back, when he held me tight and gently caressed every inch of my body and when he whispered "Beam" just as I reach climax, it felt like nothing matters anymore.
His warm touches was everything I needed. And I was ready to sacrifice the love I had for myself, for that gentle touches.
His behavior did not change even after 2 years. Little by little I fell into his iron grip. He caged my feelings so my body would never leave.
"You always belong with me. Wherever you go, whatever you do you will always come back to me. Always....back to me"
And I did. Because I thought...No. I knew...that all in his viciousness and twisted behavior, at some point, he loved me...
And I loved him. Loved him with everything I got. Loved him to death until....
My parents decided to marry me off to some rich guy.
When they brought up the news, I tried my luck, saying that I already have a boyfriend which of course they didn't believe and saw it as me, trying to slip away from the proposal.
Then they asked Forth, my boyfriend for 2 years!
When they asked him, he looked at me and he definitely saw the fear in my eyes.
I was pleading him. I was pleading him with my eyes.
"Please don't say 'no'. Please...they are not going to hurt you... They are going to hurt me... Please say 'Yes'.... "
And yet... He said 'No'. He knew what they do to me if he denied. But he did that.
Even though that short time I was with my parents until I marry became a hell hole for me, because of their hurtful words, nothing hurted me more than Forth's denial.
Then I realized that it was me... It was me who was messed up for loving someone like that...
...for being addicted to that sweet poison...
*****************************
(Author's pov)
RIIINGGG!!!!
"Phana! the door is unlocked! Just come in!" Kit shouted from Phana's kitchen where he was preparing lunch for the three of them.
Then to his surprise, Phana's voice could be heard from upstairs.
"I'm inside the house, you dumb kitty! Go answer the door!"
"When the fuck did you get in!?"
"Like an hour ago! Answer the door dammit!"
"Why are you ghosting around!? Let us know when you come home!!"
"IT'S MY HOUSE!!! GO! OPEN THE DOOR!!!"
Grumbling and complaining, Kit went and opened the door revealing.....
"Lenny!?....Oh God!"
