Mine (bxb) (bdsm)

Chapter Seven

[Ben's POV]

I haven't slept for three days, and I'm exhausted. I think that Collin knows that something is wrong, but he doesn't know what. He hasn't asked and I'm hoping to keep it that way.

I just can't keep having the nightmares. Every time I close my eyes they're there, taunting and tormenting me. Collin leaving me. Punishing me. Hating me. Telling me how worthless I am. My biggest fears come to life when I sleep- so I've stopped it altogether.

It's easier now that I'm back at my house. My parents haven't noticed anything- they have their own problems to deal with. It isn't like when I'm with Collin, and he's always checking on me and trying to make sure that I'm okay. Here, I'm all alone.

So it's four in the morning, and I'm sitting on my bed, staring at the wall across from me. Every time my eyes start to droop I jerk them wide again, terrified to fall asleep. I can't sleep. I can't sleep. I can't.

School is a living hell, except for the bus rides with Collin. I can't focus, and I have to fight to stay awake there as well. Break starts tomorrow, and I've been using that thought to help me make it through these past couple of days. I've taken to wearing sweatpants and hoodies all the time, with my glasses. I'm just so fucking tired, and I don't care what I look like. Collin hasn't said anything, and he's the only one who matters anyways.

My phone buzzing makes me jump about a foot, quickly checking the screen that feels too bright on my eyes. I blink furiously and rub at them until I adjust enough to read it.

From: Collin <3

If you're up, and I think that you are, then I want you to call me. We need to talk.

My breathing hitches but my fingers almost involuntarily start to dial his number, though I don't want to. All kinds of possible scenarios start to race through my head- he wants to break up with me, he hates me, he's going to punish me, he's-

"Ben?" Collins voice makes me go limp, leaning against my headboard. God, I should've called him earlier. His voice, his fucking voice can make me feel so relaxed. So peaceful. I close my eyes, but then have to fight to open them again.

"Yessir," I say, and my voice sounds cracked and broken even to my own ears. I want to cry, I just want Collin to he here. I want him to hold me and I want to sleep. Peacefully.

"When was the last time you slept through the night, Ben?" I expect his tone to he sharp, crisp or angry, but instead he sounds concerned. The tears spill. He's worried about me, he isn't going to break up with me, he cares about me. I try to answer but all I can do is suck in short gasps of air.

"Ben? Breathe, pet. Take deep breaths, okay? I'm here, pet, it's alright," he murmurs, and I desperately fight to pull in air, until my breathing finally returns to small breaths and hiccups from crying. I can breathe though.

"Good boy. I'm proud of you Ben, you're doing well. Can you answer my question now?" He asks, and I nod, although he can't see me.

"Yessir. It's been.." I count back on my hands, the possibility of lying never even occurring to me, "it's been four days since I last slept, sir. Six since I slept through the night."

Collin doesn't say anything for a moment, and the panic starts to build up again. He's going to be so mad at me. He's going to leave me alone, like in my dreams.

"Ben, darling. Why aren't you sleeping?" He asks, and I start crying silently again. I don't know why, I'm just sleep-deprived and I haven't eaten for three days and I feel like shit and I just want Collin.