Everchanging Misery

Earliest Memories: Sharon

Soso was where my mothers family was gathered, my fathers family lived in Sharon. I never stayed there much, but when I did it was filled with embarrassment, pain, and fear.

My Mawmaw Brenda, my fathers mother, and my Pawpaw Earl, his father, had a small blue house there on Miracle Lane. Their children, two daughters and two brothers from what I know, lived there with them with their grandchildren. Aunts Vanessa and Amanda, Uncle Earl Jr., and my father. Aunt Vanessa had three sons- Dustin, Alex, and Cody from oldest to youngest. they once lived with their father on the far side of the property. From what I remember, they had a half or step sister- but I've only met her once and don't really remember it. Aunt Amanda I think has two daughters- Brianna and Montana, Brianna being the eldest. They never stayed on the property like Aunt Vanessa and Uncle Earl, but they did come over a lot to play. Uncle Earl had three daughters and a son. Chelsey, Jennifer, Austin, and I can't really recall the youngest girl's name. But they lived on the far right of the property.

I always called Mawmaw Brenda's house the Pack House, and that I was the outcast lone wolf. I never quite fit in with my father's side of the family, they thought I was a bit odd. They never stopped caring for me though, in their own way.

I guess one of the very first things I remember being at the Pack House, was looking inside my Pawpaw Earls old shed. There were chickens everywhere in coops and I would look for eggs.. don't get me wrong. They were in no way country like my moms side, but they did have that one thing from living in the South.

There also used to be this giant pool they had, and we would go swimming in it a lot during the summer. I had to wear floaties and a life jacket though cause I was still too small to swim (I never learned how by the way), and I stuck to the edges of the pool and just floated along the sides. But there was this one dip in the pool that I had to struggle across whenever I got tall enough to touch the ground. I always had trouble getting past the dip because of how deep it was. There was one fun memory of the swimming pool though, but only one. Alex and I were swimming and playing Shark and Fish. I thought it would be funny to try to kick him, him being the shark, and so I did and quickly swam back to the other side of the pool. I couldn't hold back my laughter and I had to come up for air, and that's when he chased me. I made it to the ladder which was base just in time though.

Another memory I had of the Pack House, was that it was always rambunctious and full of energy and chaos with all of the children running around. Once, we were playing dog catcher, and Dustin threw a giant sheet over all of us who were on the floor acting like dogs. We had a chance to get away, but with him being the eldest kid, he easily caught us again. His birthday party held during Halloween is something I'd never forget though. It was so cool with all of the treats and decorations and games, that I didn't even realize it was for him until they brought out the cake. It was the only time I enjoyed being outside at night like that, under a full moon too nonetheless.

However, there were times that I could not have fun or be happy, I was scolded many times and whooped as well as the other kids, and I was always scared to go into my paternal grandparents room in fear of being scolded. I cannot remember all the times that I was, because I had blocked them all out, but it wasn't until that I was older that my fear had nullified to the point where I wouldn't be as nervous. But my father, even though he was always there, always had a drink in his hand, and a bad and hurtful attitude with his mouth. And he would always leave me there with his family while he went off with some girl or friend to do whatever he did.

It hurt, a lot, to be abandoned like this by my parents multiple times, and I never realized that I would grow to have abandonment issues with my friends as well.