Help me, I'm drowning

It feels like the walls are caving in

There she laid, in her bedroom, on the blood stained carpet.
4 months earlier
Lilah came into the kitchen without a happy expression. I don't know what it was. Usually she would come skipping in with a smile. Her beautiful smile, where did her bright clothes go, she looks pretty in green, why is she wearing grey? Something isn't right...
"Morning lilah." I said to her, hoping she would smile.
"Hey Soda." No smile... she didn't even add the pop at the end of my name, she loves to make a popping sound after she says it.
The boys all said hi without noticing something was wrong, without studying her movement or her aura.

She looked in the refrigerator, rubbed her stomach then took just a small carrot. She usually loves chocolate cake in the morning.
"Hey don't you want some cake?" Two-bit asked her. Her face went pale, like she had seen a monster.
"No-no it makes my stomach hurt." She held onto her stomach which let out a faint growl. She had a look of pain come across her face. Oh her beautiful face, No soda you can't think about her like that, you got a girl, remember Jackie?
Oh yes, Jackie my cute girl. She's nice and sweet, sometimes. She's an alright girl. In fact I have a date with her tonight. Lilah swiftly made her way into the living room, it seemed as though she was a bit shaken up. Her legs looked they were going to give before she sat down on the couch. Two-bit left the house in a hurry, probably running from dally who ran out the house after him. Johnny and ponyboy went to the movies and Steve was working on a car at the DX. Darry has to go to work of course. The poor guy can never get a break. He never has time to do anything but work. I sat by lilah and turned the TV on. I looked at her with a smile and she gave a faint grin. I know something is wrong, should I ask or will I freak her out? No you gotta make sure she's okay.
"Do you want more food?" I asked instead of what's wrong.
"No I'm alright." She said looking down.
"Really? All you had was a carrot." At that moment I saw the carrot sitting on the table. "You didn't eat at all this morning."
"Yeah I guess I'm not all hungry." She said sternly.
"You gotta be a little hungry. You haven't eaten all day."
"Lay off soda!" She practically yelled at me. I sat back in shock without another word.
I switched continuously through the channels, without thinking. My mind was on lilah. What was wrong with her? Am I overthinking everything?

Just then she grabbed her stomach in pain. She let out a gasp, as her face spoke with sickness. She held on for a few more seconds then her body relaxed, but mine was still tense.

"What's wrong lilah?" I finally asked after seeing what had happened.
"It's nothing, I'm fine." She obviously lied.
"No you're not!" I claimed.
"Stop, will ya! I told you I-I'm fine." Her words faded out.
"When will you stop lying to me?" I quickly said. I didn't think of how that question would effect her. I have no idea whats going on. She just turned and looked at me with pain on her face.

"Do you really want to know what's going on?" She asked me. Yes of course I do, that's why I have been asking her over and over.
"Yes, I really do."
"Fine....I don't like the way I look."
"Why you're gorgeous." Another thing I said without thinking. She shook her head.

"No I'm really not." How could she say that. She's amazing, from her brown/blonde hair to her green/blue eyes to her body down to her feet.

" yes you really are." She looked at me with a frown, then a hiccup. She quickly got up and ran to the restroom. I ran after her, she wasn't able to close the door before she got down on her knees and gripped the toilet. She was soon throwing up, nothing. How could she be throwing up when she has eaten nothing. When she was done dry heaving she sat against the wall then started to sob. No she shouldn't be crying, She's to pretty. Then it hit me, she doesn't like the way she looks and she had eaten nothing. I noticed that I could see her ribs showing through her tank top. I sat down next to her and pulled her in a hug.
"I know what you're doing." I spoke
"Wha-what?" She asked trying to act confused.
"You're starving yourself aren't you?"
She slowly nodded.
"Yes, I'm sorry, it's just, I'm so ugly and fat!" I lost by breath when she said this, how could she, I don't understand. In my eyes she's beautiful.
"Don't think like that!" I said hugging her more tight.
"I can't help think the truth!"
"Or maybe it's a lie."
"It's not." By this time she was pouring out tears she held in for to long. I couldn't help but feel good when she held onto me like that. It was like that was how it should be. Me and her, together. No you have to remember Jackie! Your girl! Dammit Soda! Lilah is just a friend!
"Soda, please don't tell anyone else,please, I'm so sorry."
"Of course I won't. This is between us." She gently pulled away from me and dried her green eyes.
"Thank you." She leaned back against the wall.
"Why are you doing this?" I asked stupidly, it was to soon to ask. I should've been more understanding and patient but that's not me. I'm not patient.
"I already told you, I'm ugly and fat and I hate myself." She mumbled out.
"Well I think you're beautiful."
"And I don't, you saying that I'm pretty wont change my mind, I still feel like a disgrace."
"Oh." I didn't know what else to say. I couldn't comprehend how someone so appealing could feel so ugly. I didn't understand.
"How long has it been since you've eaten something?" She looked down at the ground. And sighed heavily.
"A week." A week! I can't even go three hours without something to eat. How is that even possible.
"You need to eat something, even if it's little, what do you want?"
"Water." She responded.
"Other than water." I said, trying to be stubborn and not let her have just water.
"Fine, water with ice." Maybe I was moving to fast, the poor thing. I got up then walked to the kitchen. I got a jar out of the cabinet. When I turned around quickly it slipped from my fingers and broke. Before it hit the ground I tried to grab it. A shard of glass cut my palm open.
"Dammit! Aww well that hurts." The blood started to fall on the ground. Soon lilah was in the kitchen, barefoot.
"No stay back! You're going to cut your foot." She stopped in her tracks looking down at the ground. She almost gasped when she saw my hand bleeding.
"Oh, Soda." She whispered. I barely heard her over my own thoughts. In my head I was cursing loudly, I knew I couldn't curse in front of her. It's rude to do so.
"I'm alright just stay back." I said walking to the sink while catching the blood. I washed off my hand with cold water, then held a rag on the cut.
"Well that hurt like hell." I laughed.
"I'm so sorry, I-I caused this, I hurt you!"
"What? No you didn't." She ran upstairs, I'm guessing to my room so I ran after her then stopped at the bottom of the stairs and watched her run up them.
"It wasn't your fault! It was the jars! Ya know some jars are pretty evil!" I yelled after her hoping I would convince her to stop running. I heard a door slam and knew she needed space. I sluggishly walked to the couch and flopped down. How was it her fault? I looked over at the clock, I have 3 hours until my date. I sighed and closed my eyes. Letting my thoughts be my full attention.