I crossed my legs and looked down at my coffee cup. I was sitting on a dainty little wrought iron bench in front of my favorite coffee shop, Brewed Awakenings. Nash smiled as he took a seat next to me, staring at the sunset.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” he remarked at the pink and orange-filled sky.
“Perfect,” I replied. The sky looked like a watercolor painting, filled with mellow pastels. “My friend Michelle and I would go to the beach during the summer just to watch these sunsets. She loved them so much.” A ghost of a smile crossed my lips before I shook the thought of her out of my head.
Nash hesitated before speaking. “Is she your reason?” he asked.
“My reason?” I replied, confused.
“Is she the reason you’re going to therapy group?” He widened bright blue eyes. “Sorry, that was rude. You don’t have to answer that.”
“No, it’s okay. She is ‘my reason’ I guess,” I answered. “How can you tell?”
“You were talking about her in past tense. You don’t use past tense when you’re talking about someone unless...” he trailed off, shaking his head.
“Unless they’re dead,” I said, eyes cast to the ground.
“Yeah. Unless they’re dead,” he repeated, eyes drifting back to the distant sun.
We sat in silence for a moment before I spoke again.
“What's your reason?” I asked, looking up at him.
“My brother,” he replied with glassy eyes before casting his gaze to the ground. “Myself, too, I guess,” he added.
“Yourself?”
“I’m the one who found Will. He had a bottle of pills in his hand and he was sprawled across the floor. I never saw a dead person like that before. At wakes they make them look so peaceful, like they died happily. But Will was gray, and cold, and his eyes were open but they were so blank... I couldn’t get the image of my head and I felt so empty and all I really wanted to do was to... um,” he stopped suddenly, looking very uncomfortable. He hesitated before speaking again. “I tried to kill myself, too.”
He nervously looked up at me then laughed humorlessly. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m telling you this.”
“Don’t be sorry. Really. I get it. There have been times when I wanted nothing more than to die. I wanted to just end everything and finally be at peace. I can't get up in the morning or go to sleep at night without thinking about how Michelle's death is my fault and how she should be the one who's alive right now, not me."
“It’s not your fault, Savannah,” he said, looking into my eyes.
I paused. “It is. I was the one who was driving the car when we crashed. And I was drunk. And if I wasn’t being so stupid, Michelle would have lived and none of this would be happening.” I could feel myself tearing up.
“Savannah, it was a car accident. You didn’t mean for any of this to happen. You can’t blame yourself forever.” He held my face in his hands and wiped a tear from my eye. “You’ll be okay. I’ll make sure of it.”
____________________________________________________________________
Author's Note:
Ello, lovelies.
The story is juuuust startin' to heat up. Speaking of heating up, is anyone else super depressed that summer is almost over? Because I know I am.
Anyway, keep an eye out for the next chapter. It should be comin' soon ;D
xxCharlotte
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The Things I've Never Told Lindsey (A Nash Grier Fanfic)
Fiksi RemajaMy best friend is dead, but it should have been me. When my world was crumbling around me, there were only two reasons why I refused to die. Lindsey gave me the desire to stay alive, and Nash taught me how to live.
