Arnesto Modesto: The World's Most Ineffectual Time Traveler

The Chase

Smiling Axolotl Games

Silicon Valley, California

Friday, June 17, 1994

5:57 p.m.

Arnesto smiled as he logged out of his work computer. It was the end of the workweek, and the project he was working on was between crunches. He was going to leave at a decent hour for once. But first, it was time to check in with QA. He was approaching his original hire date, so it was time to get reacquainted with his old friends.

That included Hiromi, who Arnesto nearly bumped into as he was leaving his office. "Pardon me, sir. Thank you very much," Hiromi said in a deep southern drawl as he sauntered by in a jumpsuit and pompadour. Hiromi did a couple hip gyrations, then danced down the hall, stopping in each doorway to do a quick impression.

Arnesto was thrilled. In his past life, this moment had occurred before Arnesto had been hired, but Hiromi's impersonation was almost as famous as the company screen saver was infamous. He watched until Hiromi disappeared around a corner, then made his way into the test pit.

"Guys, you're not going to believe this. Elvis is alive and he works here." There was a muffled reaction from the five testers remaining.

Kabir spoke first. "Hiromi did that to lighten the mood. Today was Brenton's last day."

A tester named Chad said, "He was fired for breaking the new art scanner with pictures of a certain Star Trek counselor that were 'inappropriate for a professional work environment.'"

Kabir shook his head. "Thanks for the discretion, Chad."

"They weren't even real," Chad chimed in, looking up from his workstation. Kabir shot him a look, causing Chad to put his arms up to indicate he was done talking, while adding, "I'm just saying, the pictures were clearly fake. Give me Photoshop, I could do better in five minutes. Five minutes."

"Can we help you with something?" Kabir asked Arnesto.

Arnesto pointed at himself with his thumbs and said, "I came here to see if any of you whiny, little amateurs want to take on the greatest Squid Wars player who ever lived."

"Ooooooohhh!" the testers shouted.

"Let's do it," Kabir said. They both sat down in front of the television and grabbed a controller as the other testers gathered round.

Arnesto felt confident. It was the second game he had tested in his past life, and he was one of only a few people who could beat the punishing single-player mode. However, not having played it in over a century, he was feeling a little rusty.

Arnesto controlled Icer, a glacier squid, against Kabir's Whiplash, a whiplash squid. Whiplash was on the ropes so Kabir bailed and was now a tiny human diver, swimming defenseless. Arnesto chased him around the level, but Kabir found an undamaged bush-club squid named Clubber and jumped on. Arnesto groaned.

Now Kabir was on the offensive as Arnesto looked for a replacement squid of his own. They traded blows for a while, then both Arnesto and Kabir gasped when they saw an unused fire squid named Pyrotooth. With a quick freeze blast from Icer, Clubber was rendered immobile for a second. Arnesto's diver bailed from Icer and swam his little heart out toward Pyrotooth, but Clubber defrosted and fired an ink shot killing Arnesto's diver and giving Kabir the round.

"Drink the ink," Kabir said, taunting Arnesto.

"Ooooooohhh!"

"This game is awesome, I hope it does well," Kabir said. Arnesto knew it wouldn't. For some reason, it never caught on, despite good reviews. It didn't help that the company gave it almost no advertising. At least its memory would live on as Arnesto and Kabir would break it out from time to time, years down the line.

After several more rounds, the score was tied three apiece, and Arnesto had the clear advantage in the seventh round. His squid was about to deliver the fatal blow when the game crashed. Arnesto remembered there having been a recurring split-screen crash bug that persisted right up until the game shipped a few months from then, but he couldn't recall any details that might help them fix it.

This was annoying, but for Arnesto, it was offset by the fact that he was getting to know these guys again. Better, they were getting to know him. It had been one thing to be in the trenches, finding bugs alongside them; it was another to be a programmer and one of those who caused the bugs. Bonding over Squid Wars helped quite a bit. He only needed more time, but it wasn't going to happen this evening.

As Kabir reached for the reset button, Hiromi burst into the room and announced, "There's a huge car chase happening in LA right now. They say O.J.'s making a run for it." The other testers ran after Hiromi to watch the television in the kitchen.

Arnesto puffed his cheeks and exhaled in disapproval. The "trial of the century" had failed to hold his interest in his previous life. It would be even worse this time around. How long had the chase lasted? If it ended soon, they might be able to go back to playing. He put his controller down and sauntered into the kitchen. Everyone watched as the white Ford Bronco ambled down the highway with around a dozen police cars in pursuit. From what he remembered, Arnesto could tell it wasn't going to end for a while and decided to head home. His bonding with the testers would have to wait.

"You're leaving?" asked a surprised Hiromi as he caught Arnesto heading out the door.

Arnesto smiled, happy that someone cared about his departure. "I'll catch the miniseries," he said. He would have several to choose from.