Arnesto Modesto: The World's Most Ineffectual Time Traveler

Too Much Power

Massachusetts

Friday, July 16, 1999

8:08 p.m.

"You're talking about changing the presidency of the United States." Pete was incredulous.

Arnesto drew back and swung. He hit his blue ball with the right amount of power, but his aim was a tiny bit off and it hit the edge of a rectangular block in the middle of the path. "Damn it! Don't talk during my backswing. And I'm talking about doing what's right. Are you going to hit, or what?"

Pete put his red ball in the right dimple of the thrice-dimpled rubber mat at the start of the hole. His form wasn't quite as clean, but he easily bypassed the block, leaving his ball inches from the hole. "Who's to say what's right?" he asked. "Wait, is any of this going to matter? You didn't come back east just to hang out one last time before Y2K wipes out all of civilization, did you?"

"Y2K is fine, people fix most of the problems in time. Nah, I came back to slash JFK Jr.'s plane tires."

"Did you not like his so-called cameo on Seinfeld, or...?"

Arnesto snickered. "Trying to save lives."

"I see. Speaking of, I didn't hear anything about Columbine. I assume congratulations are in order?"

"All I had was a yearbook photo," Arnesto beamed. "All I remembered, besides the date, was the would-be murderers making finger guns in their class picture. Thankfully, it was enough to intervene."

"Excellent! How's Carlos?"

Arnesto sighed. "Another reason I was eager to get away. Baby Carlos is colicky... again. He has a birthmark behind his right shoulder that he didn't have before. I was so hoping he wouldn't have colic this time around, but no, he keeps that and gets a birthmark. I swear I can hear him screaming from here. Oh, well, he's Katrina's problem right now."

Pete shook his head. "I'm a little surprised you became a family man, I mean, at such a young age," Pete said.

"Katrina is a couple years older, she wanted kids, I couldn't say no."

"Sounds like you didn't have much choice. But that was in your previous life, right? I mean, this time around, you didn't have to have children again so young."

"Yeah, I did. They're my kids. I had to recreate them as exactly as possible. I can't imagine not having Melissa and Carlos," Arnesto said, smiling. "Oh, and Preston, but he comes later."

"I never thought about it that way, but right, that makes sense. Still, what about all the diapers and crying and lack of sleep and stuff?"

Arnesto's smile faded. "Yeah, it sucks. Again. I won't lie, children are not much fun at first. But they get better after the first, oh, twenty years or so."

A break in the dialog gave Pete a chance to absorb everything Arnesto had told him. Arnesto finally broke the silence.

"The essence of the game is to hit the ball closer and closer to the hole. But if you mess up your first shot on a volcano hole, that's it. You're fucked. Game over." They took turns moving around the base of the volcano, each hitting the ball ever so slightly too soft or too hard or too much to one side.

While in agreement, Pete couldn't resist the urge to passive aggressively taunt his friend. "It's part of the game."

"It's bullshit! Give me a six!"

The next hole was the loop-de-loop, where one has to cream the ball to get it through the waist-high, red, metal loop. Pete hit the ball a little too softly, causing it to bounce against the hard metal surface creating a wonderful cacophony of loud clanks before rolling back to the start. His next shot made it through but then rolled into a corner. Pete used his putter to move the ball out, but it rolled right back. "So, the election?"