Contrast [ A One Direction AU ]

chapter twelve: clary

chapter twelve

•  Clarisse • 

[a/n] tw: alcohol & drug use // excessive swearing 

"Because Clary, he was the guy I warned you about."

Despite the four hours that have passed since the disastrous encounter between Bella, Zayn and I, Bella's words still stick stubbornly in my head, endlessly swirling around my mind and driving me mad. I get out of my desk chair where I had been attempting to get some reading for law done, and flop hopelessly onto my single bed, groaning miserably at myself.

Pathetic, that's what I was. Completely, desperately, and utterly pathetic.

I close my eyes, attempting to block out the unusual brightness filtering in from my window, and think back to four hours ago, temple already throbbing at the thought of thinking about what had happened.

- - 

"He was the guy I warned you about!"

Bella's harsh words seemed to linger in the air minutes after she had stormed off, hanging awkwardly between Zayn and I, who surprisingly hadn't disappeared. It took me a few moments to process what exactly Bella's words meant, and throughout that whole time, Zayn just stood there, face carefully blank and emotionless, staring resolutely at the shelves above my head. It was as if he wanted to see how I would react, what I would say.

When I finally managed to understand what Bella meant, the realisation left me breathless and stinging. It was as if I had been physically punched me in the chest, right where my heart was. I lifted my gaze to Zayn's still impassive features, and somehow managed to get out, my voice a hoarse croak, "You hit on Bella too?"

I watched as his blank mask twisted, something flashing in his eyes quickly before he schooled it back to its previous emptiness. "So what if I did?"

This sentence was accompanied by an ugly, uncharacteristic sneer that marred his beautiful features and turned him dark and terrifying. I flinched, pressing my back harder into the wall, almost as if I could disappear into it if I pressed hard enough. I dropped my gaze down to my hands like the sight of him had burned me. My chest felt tight, and I found myself having difficulty breathing.

I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it.

"I told you, didn't I?" I heard his voice say, after I had failed to respond, still in that ugly, cold tone. "I told you I would break you."

"I'm not fucking broken." I snapped back in retaliation, anger licking through my aching chest. How dare he, the damned bastard? How dare he assume that he had so much power over me?

"You're already halfway there, babe." His harsh tone had softened a little, reminiscent of his demeanour before Bella had stumbled in on us. I closed my eyes, deflating, unable to think about what had happened, or had almost happened, without wanting to burst into tears. I couldn't even deny what he said, because at that point in time, I felt more than halfway close to shattering into jagged, pathetic, little pieces.

"Fuck you." I finally whispered, feeling his pitiful gaze on me and feeling so disgusting because of it. "Just...Fuck you, Zayn."

I heard him sigh, heard the somehow musical rustle of his clothes as he moved away from me, and the clinking of the paint cans that he had so unceremoniously dropped when I had startled him. I tucked my knees up to my chest, and buried my face into my arms, utterly unable to look at him. Despite what I had just found out, my body still ached for him, and my mind still longed for him to hold me close. Disgusted with myself, I grit my teeth and dig my blunt fingernails into my calves, holding my knees tighter to my chest.