Intoxicating Love

Chapter 1: Blank Canvas

I sit at my kitchen table with my feet dangling, almost touching the cold hard wood floor. So many thoughts flood my brain as I look at the beige colored wall which is in front of me. A wall has so much meaning, it is like a blank canvas waiting to be written on, that is how we should view the world, as a blank canvas waiting to become something meaningful, waiting to be explored and painted so beautifully. My dad walks into the door toppling over his feet with a can of beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Ever since mom died 2 years ago he has never been the same. I drive myself to school, I cook the dinner, I clean the house, I am the adult in this shitty situation and I am only 19. Everyday I awake to the hell that is pushing me further and further to the edge, but how long will it take before I reach the edge? I just want to paint my own canvas so beautifully, but how do I accomplish that with the world in which I live? How long will it take before I fall?
I walk outside to the front porch of my house and hear the screen door behind me shut, I sit on the last step on the porch in 30 degrees weather, but anything beats sitting inside with my dad as he curses to the world for taking away my mom as he gulps down another swallow of beer. I hear something break, no it is not the sound of glass hitting the floor, or the sound of my dad punching the wall, no. It is the sound of my heart as I look up and see him. I have been in love with him since freshman year, but of course he has never noticed me, why should he? I am the kid that sits in the back of the class that day dreams of how she can escape from her father and the marks that he leaves on her skin. Why would be notice someone like me? I hang my head low so he does not see the pain in which is hidden in my eyes. I stand up to go inside as I begin to shake and my fingertips have turned a bright blue and purple I hear a voice "Hey!" he calls out "We have English together, I like your sweater!" I look down and remember I am wearing the sweater my mom handed to me before the cancer finally consumed every cell that was in her breathing, living body. I smile a faint smile and his grin is as wide as his face, but I can't help to think "In a crowded room I would run to find you, but in an open space would you wish I was someone else?"
I start to walk inside and he starts to walk into my yard. He left his bike in the curb and tried to catch me before I went inside. "Hi, um. You don't need to be here right now, please go. You don't understand." He looks at me and begins to smile as if he thinks I am joking. "Oh, I get it. You are shy." "No you don't understand, you have to lea.." "She was going to say you have to leave." Damn it, I turn around and see my father standing there with his 5th beer in the last hour, his eyes are glossy and his balance is uneven. "Dad, stop. This is.. This is.." He looks up and acts like there is nothing wrong. "Hi Sir, I am Liam, pleased to meet you." He holds out my hand for my father to shake. My dad bumps into me making me lose my balance, but just catching myself in time, my dad extends his arm out and shakes Liam's hand. My father looks over at me and smiles his drunken smile while wobbling trying to hold his balance. "Paris, he is a real keeper." Liam smiles and shakes my father's hand again "Thank You Sir." He looks at me and smiles "I'll see you tomorrow okay Paris?" I smile another faint smile and I can feel my face begin to redden, oh damn I am blushing what the hell is wrong with me. "Okay.." The words hardly form from my mouth and you can barely hear me. Liam smiles once again and jumps on his bike and begins to ride to his house. Why did he decide to talk to me now? How did he know how to speak to my dad, like he has done this before? Senior year? I don't get it. Today I walk inside of my house with a smile on my face even though my dad is passed out on the couch. "He talked to meeee" I sing "He finally talked to me oh my goodness"