Intoxicating Love

Chapter 3: The Circle K

I walk home as the rain continues to follow me. I feel as if I am drowning as every drop falls upon my face, but it is like a kind of drowning which you cannot escape, the kind of drowning that is never ending, I am walking as I am drowning, I feel as if I can never escape.
     When I finally reach home, I can see dad sitting in the kitchen slumped over in the same position from when I left for school this morning, I know he is not dead because I see his diaphragm moving up and down, and then he finally lifts his head. Another hangover, go figure. Pause. I guess I should tell you about my "Loving" and "supportive" (I hope you caught my sarcasm) father's drinking problem. It all started when I was nine. My mom was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer, the kind that starts in the tissue and slowly eats away at you. It was a constant on the go everyday after that, doctor appointments, pharmacy runs, and the occasional trip to the ABC store for my father. I was too young to know any different and my mom got so sick, there was no way she could stop my father. I am now niteteen years old with no mother, just my alcoholic father. It has progressed more and more throughout the years as the death of my mom seems to haunt him in the ways I cope, memories. Anyway, I slowly walk up to the front porch, dreading each half step I take, knowing what awaits for me behind those doors. Dad has been drinking more lately because mom's annual death date is approaching and more drinking leads to anger, and anger leads to the scars that are left on my body, I try to look at them as battle wounds, scars reminding me I made it another day, and another day is a good day.
I shut the screen door behind me as quietly as possible, as I try to make it by dad and go straight to my room, but the one board in the floor that dad has been saying for months he is going to fix when he is .08 percent sober, which is hardly ever. He looks at me and I know what is coming. "Hi Dad" I look down at the floor trying so hard not to make eye contact with him, as if I am talking to the floor, rather than my own father.
         I would tell you what happened after that, but I don't want you to think my father is all that horrible, but in reality he really is. You are probably wondering why I haven't ran away yet, well this is why. I am 19 years old, hardly an adult with a shitty paying job, and no car. How far would I get on a bike and hardly any money? Probably the closest Circle K, which is 2 miles down the road before my old rusty bike crashes and there I am left in the parking lot of the Circle K looking like a lunatic. It's not like I would be able to tell the workers why I am standing in the parking lot. "Well my dad is an alcoholic and he abuses me when I open my mouth, so I decided to run away on my crappy bike, with the 200 dollars I have saved over the past three months from working at The Melting Ice cream shop, (Which is a ironic name since we live in Maine and it is always cold here.) So yeah, I made it 2 miles up the road before my bike fell apart." Those people would look at me like I was insane, and then call the authorities and it would be a whole mess.
        So here I am, sitting on my bed with new battle wounds, reminding myself that there is a new day ahead of me, and hopefully this day will be better than the last. I wonder if everyone views life like that? Hoping that everyday is better than the last, wishing, hoping, and dreaming to escape the hell that they are leaving behind them, but slowly continues to creep up behind them like a shadow that reflects from your body. I view everyday like this, and I am becoming tired. The only guy that I think that maybe is decent has been in my life for approximately one and half days and I have already lost him. What the hell is wrong with me?
        I awake the next morning to find the house oddly quiet, which hardly ever happens, because dad is usually making some kind of racket from being so drunk, I get out of bed and put on my fuzzy purple slippers my best friend Everlyn bought me, I probably should have told you about her. She has been my best friend for as long as I can remember. She is 5'7, she has dirty blonde hair, glasses that are way too big for her face, but super cute, and she lives in California. She moved there 2 years ago right after my mother died, and I could hardly handle it, she is my rock. We call each other every night, and text everyday. She visits twice a year, and will come back to maine in 2 months 3 days and 45 minutes if her plane is on time, so yeah, that is Everlyn. I want to move to Califorina with the palm trees, the beaches, all the people. I love crowds, they are my inspiration for my writing. I listen and exame people as they walk by and just like that they become characters in my story. I sit on the front porch still wondering why it is so quiet inside, until I figure it out. Dad is outside in the backyard passed out, again. I drag him inside and lay him on our red, beer stained couch, he hardly opens his eyes and smiles "Thanks Honey." When I hear these words leave his mouth, I smile a faint smile because for those two seconds I think maybe my dad wouldn't be so bad if he was sober, but I sadden at the realization that probably will never happen.
        I walk back outside and look up into the sky of Maine as snowflakes begin to fall from the Saturday morning sky. When I look back down there he stands with his perfect smile, perfect hair, and perfect everything. I blush and realize that I was a major screw up and that I needed to apologize for yesterday. "I am sorry... about yesterday" before I can finish my sentence his arms are wrapped around me like blanket, and right then and there I fall apart in the arms of someone who is almost a stranger. I cry and cry until tears no longer flow from my eyes. "Paris, you are so beautiful and so lovely, but we are not fit for a relationship right now with our parents being alcoholics." That is how he knew how to talk to my father, his mom is alcohlic. Both of our parents were in AA together, we see how that turned out. Today is the day that is how I was put into the friendzone, it is not as bad as you think. I could use a friend right now, and I am so glad we were friendzoned, that's a first.
        As he begins to hug me I feel the broken pieces of my shattered soul start to bind together again as if his arms were the glue holding my broken soul into place, but this feeling does not last long as my father steps out onto the porch tumbling over his own two feet again. "PARIS! GET INSIDE RIGHT NOW." I pull away from Liam and he looks at me in shock as I look into his eyes I can hear my father yelling from behind me, I turn towards my father with tears in my eyes and begin to walk inside. "Paris! Paris! Wait!" Liam leans in for one last hug, not really knowing what he is doing I grab his hand as he sideways hugs me. He passes me a piece of torn off paper and I shove in my pocket as I follow my father inside. I never look back, because I know if I do I will run toward Liam, and God knows what would happen if I did that. Dad continues to yell as I head upstairs "Paris! I never want you to see that boy again! I forbid you to date him!" One my dad never told me not to date Liam and if he did he would not be able to remember it a week from now. Two, Liam and I are not dating we are just friends, but of course I do not tell dad this. Three by the morning or even tonight dad will not even remember Liam coming over or even having this conversation, but I also do not bring that up to him, why should I? I nod my head and hang my head low until I make it to my bedroom and I open the piece of crumpled up white paper that I just took out of my pocket, there is a number there all ten digits. I take out my cell phone as my hands begin to shake and I type the word "Hi." I press send, and here I am like a normal teenage girl for once, waiting for a response from a guy. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with me?
       It takes Liam a few minutes to reply, but when he does my heart could never be happier. "Hello, what was that about?" flashes a crossed my screen and I feel my stomach start to turn in knots like a 7 year old gymast as she flips in the air, I move my fingertips a crossed the screen of my phone.

Me: "It's just dad. By the morning he will have drunk himself to death, he won't even remember you being in the yard."
Liam: "Did you tell him that we weren't dating?"
Me: "No, what's the point? I don't need stir the pot even more."
Liam: "Okay, I totally understand that." "Hey, wanna skip school tomorrow?"
Me: "Damn, we just became friends and you're already a bad influence, lol. I am just kidding, sure! I walk to school everyday, so I can meet you wherever."
Liam: "I have an extra bike, meet me at the end of our street, at 7:30 tomorrow, deal?"
Me: "Deal."

As I sent this last text, I never knew what tomorrow had to hold for me and how it would forever change my life.