love is just suicide~phan

phils pov

I think there was a moment in time where I was happy. When I didnt turn to the blade for answers. Yes I know its a bad habit and its adictive but what did you expect ive been bullied since the third grade. I never felt right after my brother started doing what he does. But this is my crazy life about heart break, rape, and bullying the fun aspects. Everything that leads in to my depression and anxieties. Everything happens to scare me i wait for something to happen all the time the dark is a scary place when all i hear and see are people yelling at me. Im a literal crazy person i know everythings messed up in my head. Im living though so lets take that as a good thing.

Lets take this back to third grade there was this kid in my class his name was dan and he was so cute it was fine i knew it was nothing because i wasnt gay or so i thought. yeah i didnt have any friends. i was at a new school people always said i looked weird and gave me dirty looks the name calling was the worst i got which was okay i was used to it but that all changed when i got to middle school. My brother was raping me every night after everyone went to bed he would bring me in to the play room and just do his thing and sent me off to bed. It got normal till people were wondering why he was coming downstairs in the middle of the night he stopped for a while but it was in little patches. there are little scars where his nails dug in to my skin along the sides of my thighs but thats okay they are just an added collection to my self harm scars.

Anyway lets get on to now im in 8th grade last year of middle school i run off monster and coffee. People have been pushing me around a bit we have 5 more months till summer break . But here we go its the last week of winter break we just got Christmas over with with my family and my mums boyfriends family over with.
(Italics is dan and bold is phil)
My phone buzzed
Hey phil. It's dan from school i know you dont have many friends i wanna be friends i think your cute.

I was dumbfounded no one ever talked to me the only person who had my number was louise. Thats okay maybe this is a new friend plus i always hoped hed talk to me one day I've always liked him. But what do i say we were on the way home we were in the car and i was shaking i had a lot of social interaction today. I was drained and i have no odea what to say. Here it goes

Hey dan. Uhhh howd you get my number?

I was sipping on a monster i had got after everyones houses were done. i didnt sleep because i was always scared of the nighmares and then my brother. i didnt like to be alone with him and hed probably sit in my room till our mum went to bed. I felt my phone buzz but i didnt want to answer it right now i just wanted to get lost in my music. I was just freaking out i wanted to leave. I didnt want to go home and be alone with him. hes just gunna hurt me he likes when i bleed and it just numbs me and i hate it but its okay maybe i can dodge it.

I check my phone
The one girl with blonde hair gave it to me. I think her names louise.

Yeah okay um what do you wanna talk about?

I just helped bring everything inside and then locked myself in my room. i put all my new things in my closet to put away later .i pluged my phone in and changed in to shorts and a huge hoodie thats covered in black hair dye stains. i had my door locked and pretended like i couldnt hear someone trying to open it. he couldnt make to much noise because my mums room is across the hall from mine. I Sat down on my bed reading the lightning theif i was reading all the percy Jackson books again because i got myself the box set of the books. I let my mimd wonder to another land where none of my problems were. That was until my phone buzzed

I dont know maybe we could just ask questions get to know eachother a little bit?

Yeah okay thats cool. Favorite color? Favorite animal? Favprite book?

Um color black well black isnt a color so dark brown, probably a cat, and ummm harry potter any of them really. You?

Teal maybe i like lions and probably percy jackson any of the 5

I set my phone down and kept reading ignoring the buzz and i read for about an hour till i heard another buzz.

I havent read but one of the percy jackson books i didnt know there were more

Um hey i got to go to bed talk to you in the morning yeah?

Yeah okay sorry goodnight

I set my phone down and decided to try to sleep i rolled over in my bed and pulled my blanket over me to lead me in to a tearble nightmare.