➳ to takashi | adashi/shadam

001

It's been a week now.

A long, painful, seven days.

Watching the rocket as you Sam, and Matt flew off ached me. Seeing that was like watching everything I'd ever have just leave me in front of my very own eyes.

It hurts. I've been crying in the shower for days now, thinking about what things will be like when you get back. Or if you get back. I have to keep hoping. I don't believe in a God, but if he is real, he damn sure isn't on my side. 

I wish that I could talk to you. I wish that I could be next to you on that rocket. I tried to ask Sanda to let me go with you, but she was afraid that it would cause too many "personal" conflicts.

I miss your eyes.

Your hair.

Your smile.

Your laugh.

The way that you make me feel. 

This morning I woke up to a bigger bed. It's cold at night without you in it. I feel like such a dick for leaving, but I had to do what's best for both of us. I would never be able to watch you slowly deteriorate. We would both die. I never can stand to see you get hurt.

I miss you, Takashi. More and more every day. I hope you don't forget.

-adam