To Love Or Not To Love| A FEATURED STORY

Chapter 12

Anu and Rajendra moved to an almost freshly mown, and sprinkled lawn behind the hospital. She found a café a little further from there where she had her coffee earlier. The lawn was not an ideal place to talk private matter but was better than an enclosed cafeteria where they need not maintain specific decorum and speak in hushed tones. She very well knew things could escalate and become awry very soon if they didn't keep their emotions in check.

She stopped under a tree taking a much need respite from the hot sun.

"Your ten minutes starts now, Rajendra. Just tell me whatever it is and make a move."

She was restless and prayed that her resolve to stay away from him wouldn't crumble as soon as he opened his mouth. She knew she had formidable inner strength, and the past year since she had been staying away from him, things fell into perspective.

Rajendra was her childhood chum, and there was not a day spent without his physical or virtual presence. Even with limited technological advancements, they had stayed in touch, and he was a constant presence in her life more like a part of her.

But now instead of wallowing in self-pity, she spent the time to think about herself and her betterment. It was a refreshing change and very freeing as well. She was glad for space and time. She indulged in activities she always longed for without bearing an ounce of guilt.

He paused and narrowed his eyes infinitesimally but chose not to rile up and chuckled a little, "This is interesting. Never seen you assertive before. Is it all the new you?"

"Rajendra, if you've come here to mock my so-called changed qualities, then we are wasting time. I better get going. I have no more patience to hear you belittle me."

He grimaced, he didn't want to be judgmental. He was unaccustomed to it, yet he liked it. He was determined to get used to it too and said, "I was not belittling you. It was a compliment Anu. Assertiveness is good."

"Yeah, it sure helps to fend off bullies," she cocked her brow mockingly.

He closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head, "I deserved that. I regret what happened, but I can't change the way my family functions.

I'm willing to move away from them for your sake. I need one more chance, come to me. I can't imagine any other person in my life."

As she anticipated, his words were butter smooth and created yearning within her, which she quickly crushed. She criticised herself for being so sensitive to him, and it was some apology without the word 'Sorry' in it.

He never uttered those three magic words that even every school-going-kid knows to use freely.

She knew him, he always liked a challenge, and now she was posing one for him.

"I think you can do much better than that. Rajendra, I'm finally happy. I'm spending time on stuff I always wanted to do. The last thing I want to do is compromise on simple pleasures that I'm enjoying right now. I can never share a roof with you and your overbearing family. We better leave it as it is."

When Rajendra tried to interrupt her, she raised a hand to stop him and continued, "Is it your goal to disrupt what little peace I have in my life? And from the stuff you are spewing now, I understand that you are so used to me in your life to do your bidding and to be an unpaid housekeeper that you want me back. I can't do that anymore. You need to get married to someone guileless to fall for your beguiling ways and the glitter of your place. I'm finally done with you and your family," she finished decisively.

Rajendra was disconcerted at all the disgust in her talk about the things concerning him. She never spoke in such a severe tone or insulted him. Though it was subtle, the insult was present.

Her eyes, which usually looked up to him with adoration and awe, were filled with indifference, and that hurt him the most. He never believed in love, but Anu was good for him. With her open acceptance, he never had to prove anything to her. He realised that gaining her trust and love back would be next to impossible. He knew he brought this on to him.

He always felt that 'Love' was overrated, but he knew somewhere under all his prejudices and pride he did love her in his way otherwise, he wouldn't be here —almost begging her to come back to him.

"Just tell me what you want me to do, and I'll do it whole-heartedly for a second chance," he tried again.

Anu looked at him for a full minute while thinking of all the things she had been through for him. He was a very handsome man, and they were married young. Now into his early thirties and taking complete control of his company, added a lot of stress lines to his face but otherwise, he looked almost the same. She didn't want this now, and looking at him was torture. She understood why she fell in love with him. He had both looks and upbringing.

Though he was just two years older than her, he knew many things than most kids of his age. He was, after all, the next-in-line to take over the conglomerate from his father. He was groomed, for the same, from young.

Rajendra never backed away from the challenge either. From day one of their first meeting, all he wanted to be was continue the tradition and be a part of the family-run business. He never slacked in his education or extracurricular activities and being a smart kid only added to everything.

The things that he could do as a kid fascinated her. Though he acted high and mighty with everyone else, he was patient with her and took care of her, but things changed when she married him. He joined as an intern in his family-run business and was too busy to learn everything there. His father was against nepotism. Rajendra had to prove at every step that he was a worthy son.

His hard work took a toll on their relationship. Anu would've accepted everything and stood by him, but she couldn't endure beyond a limit. Far from being treated as she deserved, she was not even treated with respect. Rajendra could have stood up to his family and supported her, but he never did.

"No Rajendra, it will not work. I'm in a better place now and learning to live on my own. All I request you is to not to take away all this from me. I don't want to lose whatever I've achieved so far. You know what? I have to think about you to dislike you. I don't care anymore. You are gone from both my mind and heart. Please don't ever try to contact me. I don't want you in my life. I'm happy now. Goodbye."

Anu turned around and walked back into the hospital, leaving a stunned Rajendra. Deep down, he knew they couldn't just forget the times they had shared. They met when he was twelve, and she was ten.

He kept denying her words as impossible. She only spoke those words to hurt him in the worst possible way. But for the first time, he felt unsure of their future together. He was not prepared for indifference. Hate or Strong dislike he could make do she had some kind of emotion towards him. Indifference was completely hopeless.

For now, he had to retreat and plan a different strategy to win her back. She was his and would be his, always. He made the biggest mistake of his life to let her go, and this time he wouldn't mess up.

He too turned around and walked to the parking lot. He briefly thought back to the way she was. She somehow looked whole and healthy, and there was the unmistakable content look about her. He didn't want her to just settle for being content, she deserved to be happy, and he wanted her to share all her happiness only with him. He knew he was a selfish bastard, but that was only when it came to her.

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