A look inside a troubled teen's mind.

She carried her body with great insecurities. Shoulders hunched, eyes lowered, and head down. Maybe if she walked fast enough, no body would look at her. But they did, they always did. They looked at her like she was some kind of animal, an animal that did not belong anywhere near them. They did not want her there. Although nobody did, so where would somebody like this go? Somebody that was not welcome anywhere?

To there own world. There tragic and scary yet peaceful world. A place that was filled with insecurities, hardships, saddness, joy, fear, and many other things that made this world so very suffocating. Yet this was the only place they really belonged, so this is the place that they stayed. And once you go there, its almost impossible to go back.

Looking down at her stomach the girl sighs. Still fat, she thinks. That morning she woke up and decided that that day would be a good one. She would not eat a bite, so she would be thin. She would smile, so people would think she was happy. And she would make happy conversation, so people did not see how anxious she was around them. Then as she lays in bed, the darkness takes over. Her happiness is clouded over with overwhelming grief and anxiety. Sadness is all she feels. The girl does not want to get out of bed now, the community of assholes living inside her head are telling her not too. Telling her she will never be good enough and that if she were to stay in bed, everyones life would be so much easier. But she gets up anyway, ready to start another day being someone she would rather not be.

She fights with herself, day in and day out. Everyday is a struggle. Her mind tells her 'Dont eat, so you can be lovely' but her body tells her 'look at that delicous food, eat it all you can just throw it up later'. These two voices inside her mind, these two obnoxious and hidous voices, she calls tham Ana and Mia. She thinks of Ana and Mia as her friends. Of course, she loves Ana more. Ana tells her not to eat, but when she does, when she can not over come the craving, she has to make her body pay for it.

She picks up the hard razor and touches it to her pale, soft , delicate skin. She is now in her world. Nothing else matters to her in momment like this, her world takes over and numbs the pain. She slowely but deeply slides the razor over her skin. Within seconds dots of blood appear on her white skin. This makes her smile. She repeats this process until she thinks her bodys paid enough for what its done. If she does not bleed, she is not sattisfied. Soon she realizes that tears are streaking her face. They zigzag down one by one. She cried harder the harder she bleeds. I don't have a right to be this upset, she thinks, so many people have it worse. So then she gets mad, so mad that this time when she presses the blade ageanst her skin she does it so deeply that blood follows the tips of the razor pouring down her arm. She puts all of her rage into the cuts that are getting deeper and deeper. She than puts the blade down and sits back. She snapps back to reality and again feels nothing but numbness. The tears go away and the only thing she feels is the stinging sensation of the cuts as she whipes the blood away.

Her mind is a whole of darkness that nobody can quite understand, not even herself. Is it wrong that I wish bad things would happen to me just because I think I deserve them? Why dont I like to go to the movies or go skating like other kids my age? Why do people scare me so much? Why cant I resist food like other people? Why cant I ever listen to Ana? Why does Mia make me fatter? Why am I so fat? Why am I even alive? Why do I have to live? These questions circle her mind never receaving an answer. She thinks of suicide more and more as a way out. Not that her life is very bad, but because she, or anyone else for that matter, should not have to deal with the shit that life brings.

A/N...Comment and VOTE!. (: This is from the heart btw.