Don't say it unless you mean it

Prologue

Kayla in multimedia

Flashback

One day I was at my uncle's house. I was in the backroom taking a nap with my little brother. I felt something wet going up my side and jumped out of my sleep. I looked up and saw him looking me. He laughed at me. Every time he laughs it makes me cringe. I hated him so much. "Get Tra and come get in the bed so ya'll can sleep right." he told me. I didn't really want to go in there with him but I reluctantly I went. I picked him and walked to his and his brother's room. I put my brother in the bed under the covers and got in went with him. I tried going back to sleep but I had this nagging feeling in me that he was going to do it again. I was always scared to go over there because of him. He came back into the room and he started messing with stuff.

"Pull your pants down." he said out of the blue. "No," I said in a shaky voice,"I want to go to sleep."
"Just pull em down." he said aggravated. "I said I want to go to sleep. Now leave me alone." I said trying to make him go away. "Pull em down now." He demanded. I jumped a little when he said that and pulled them down.
"Now lay back down."
I lied back down. He pulled his pants down and I turned my head away from him. He tried kissing me but i just sat there. I didn't want to kiss him and i didn't want him kissing me, but there was nothing i could do to stop him. He was bigger than me. He tried to stick his manhood inside of my butt be it wouldn't budge. He forced it in and told me to be quiet when i started whimpering. "It hurts."
"If you stop moving then it wont hurt." I tried thinking of things that would make him leave him me alone. "I have to pee." i told him hoping that he'd stop so i could run and lock myself in the bathroom. "My momma in there so you can't go in there." He told me. "I'm gonna pee on myself." i tried pleading with him. As soon as my aunt came out that's when he stopped. He turned away from me and then turned back around. "You wanna suck my dick?" He asked me. I turned away from him and he laughed. I burst into tears. "I'm sorry okay? If you tell then you're gonna be in trouble too" he told me. I nodded my head and continued crying and holding my little brother.

***

I've heard people tell me that they love me or would never hurt me or would never leave me, but eventually they all left me or hurt me. So ever since then I've shut people out or pushed them away before they could hurt me. I know that's no way to be but that's what I do. I've been hurt too much. My best friend ran away from home and I haven't seen in a little over a year. I have not been myself since she left. That was my sister. We were inseparable, but I guess she couldn't take living here any more and just left without even telling me. I've offered many times for her to come live with me but she always says "I don't wanna be a burden on you guys but thanks."My only friend is God now , but if feels like even he's left me. My name is Kayla Carson. I'm 16 years old, 5'6, black, Native American, and Mexican, thick with curly, black hair that stops just below my shoulder blades. My mom is Native American and Mexican and my dad is black. He died a little while after Alica left. He had really bad cancer and we couldn't afford to keep paying for his chemo so he died. My mom and I were devastated but it took more of a toll on me because I had lost two of the most important people to me.

A few months later my mom found another man. I was a little skeptical at first about him dating my mom because I wasn't sure if he gonna be a good guy to mom, but eventually I started to like him because he showed me that he really cared for my mom and that he was gonna be there for us. Plus he got money so I'm good with that. He proposed to my mom and now they're getting married. It was really romantic how he did it. We're moving as well. I don't really want to leave Compton, but I don't have any true friends there so i guess it's good for me. I can start fresh...

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