A Lost Romance, Aria

Chapter 1

Flashbacks:

I really feel like cutting again but I'm trying not to.

Every time a flashback came up, I felt like crying, cause I realize how dumb I am to fall in love. 

Love's a crappy thing.

 Alyssa always told me, love will be my downfall. And she was right. Love was my downfall, Devon was my downfall. I had sacrificed everything for him, my friends, my time, everything. I thought I wasn't good enough for him and I knew a day will come where he'll change, because of that, my sadness. I began cutting in the first place. I look at my scars and I remember the time when he found out about them and he had a long talk with me about how upset he was. 

There he admitted he cared for me and it was the first time he said "I love you". Then there came a time where his current girlfriend Cortnee asked him to break up with me, and she asked me to break up with him. That night I confessed that I loved him. The next day was the first time he held my hand and walked home with me. I was completely blind by this "love" I didn't realize what it was doing to me. I still remember all those memories. From the first kiss, to our last conversation as a couple.

Noumea came around. I was excited and couldn't wait to get back and tell Devon. But when I did. The first message that came on my screen was Paul's. Saying that Devon was talking about me behind my back and that Devon told Paul that he didn't love me anymore.

 I. Was. Shattered. 

That's when I broke up with him. It hurt me every second after that. It's when I cut again. Cause I realized that none of what Paul said happened. I was devastated. I had taken a huge step, without knowing what truly happened. I remember the time when I watched that movie about the guy and girl running away from home and etc and when I told Devon he assured me he wouldn't do that. It made me laugh a lot.

When I tried to piss him off by squishing his fingers in the piano, when every night we'd say "love ya" before sleeping, when we wouldn't hide a single thing, when Devon had feelings and emotions. 

Now, he's lost himself. He's changed, it's not a good change, despite not being close anymore I still care for him and don't want him experiencing heartbreak again. Now, he's stuck up, he's full of himself and thinks he's superior, he's lost all sense of emotion, he's not the same Devon I loved. The Devon I loved had emotion, he wasn't stuck up. He cared for others, he knew what was right and what was wrong. The new Devon can't even differentiate between wrong and right. He's stooped to a lower level to match with Cortnee. He's too good for her. He deserves better. But the looks of the new him. He deserves worse than her. The old Devon I could tell everything to, now I can't say anything to him without him making it about himself.

I'm gonna lose myself again, I'll go back into my shell, the same one the old Devon brought me out of. If the old Devon is still somewhere inside, I hope one day he finds his way back out again and brings him back on track, I hope realization hits him and he remembers all the things he did which he shouldn't have, I hope he makes his way back to the level he was at and maybe one day my respect for him will return. The goofy, funny, sometimes cute Devon will hopefully return, and the stuck up, show off and low leveled Devon will never return. 

- Love, Aria