Bedtime, at last, I’ve been waiting all day for this.
My bed is warm and comfy, perfect.
I make sure my alarm is set, I have work tomorrow.
I lie down and flick the light switch, sudden darkness,
A tonic for my tired eyes. I close them and start to drift…
Keith wants me to finish that paper by Wednesday, I’ll have to do that tomorrow,
Oh and I have to email Linda about Saturday, that’s important!
That reminds me, mum emailed me the other day and I never emailed back,
I must tell her about my incident with the malfunctioning coffee machine,
she’ll like that…
It occurs to me that I am not asleep.
I glance at the clock. 11.30.
I decide that tonight I will discover a way to send myself to sleep.
With this new resolution in mind I run through the possible techniques…
Counting Sheep.
I begin.
Small cartoon sheep start to prance across my imagination.
Each one leaping nimbly over the fence into the field beyond….
Oh dear!!! That little sheep is far too small the clear the fence!
It starts to run in circles, bleating plaintively.
The other sheep watch it curiously….
NO!!! I sigh and start again.
One by one the sheep proceed, on and on….
Suddenly I spot a wolf winding his way through the trees.
He’s by the fence now, sneaking towards his unsuspecting prey!
BAM!!! He’s got one!!!
The other sheep start and run leaving the poor unfortunate victim to…
NO!!! NO!!! NO!!!
I roll over and bury my head in my pillow, blocking all images of dying sheep from my mind.
I vaguely wonder if I am mentally sound.
I give up on sheep, they are obviously not for me.
What other methods….
Clearing the Mind.
Perfect.
I try to think of nothing……
But surely it is impossible to think of nothing,
Because nothing is something isn’t it? So by thinking of nothing I am still thinking of something!
But is nothing something? After all it is nothing, but by thinking of nothing I am definitely thinking,
So my mind is not clear,
I must go to India at some point and find some hermit who can explain this…
I realise my plan has failed once again.
What else…
Counting.
Good.
I’ll try that.
One…two…three…four….
I never finished that problem earlier!!
Let’s see, I had got as far as working out that the perimeter was 56m,
So to put a fence around it would take 56m of fencing,
Oh but there’s going to be a gate and part of it is taken up by a 10m long shed so…
I give up, I have no more methods.
I glance at the clock. 2.07.
I often don’t sleep till three
So I ,metaphorically, shake the hourglass, willing the sand through faster.
It doesn’t work.
I try reading a book.
But by chapter three I realise this book is far too good to send me to sleep.
I get out my laptop and try to get some work done.
But the light from the screen hurts my eyes.
I glance at the clock. 3.31.
It’s so hot, I’m sweating and it’s hard to breathe.
I push the blankets back.
Ahh… the cool air calms me.
But now it’s too cold.
I open the window a crack and pull the blankets back up.
My eyes grow heavy, I can’t keep them open any longer.
Gratefully I let my eyelids fall.
But it feels so uncomfortable to have them closed.
So I open them but they immediately want to close again so I let them…
But…open.
Close.
Open.
Close.
I glance at the clock. 3.58.
The oppressive darkness weighs down on me, smothering me.
Every shape is an evil monster leering at me.
I open the curtains a bit to let some light in.
The rabid bear turns back into my wardrobe.
I glance at the clock. 4.37.
I squirm under my blankets trying to get comfortable.
Rearranging the pillows once…twice…thrice.
My eyes are aching.
But when I close them I can see the bright imprints of light on the back of my eyelids.
It’s less painful to have them open.
I glance at the clock. 5.23.
It’s starting to get lighter,
The sky is turning from the deep calm blue to a hopeful grey.
I shut the curtains again.
I glance at the clock. 5.34.
The dawn chorus is starting up,
The occasional tweet, tweet.
I glance at the clock. 5.49.
I feel my eyelids close, and stay close.
Finally I know I can go to sleep!
And then….Beep! Beep!
My alarm goes.
It’s time to get up.
