Letters

Dear letter A

My first fling.

The thing that makes this so ironic is that you liked me, I didn't even like you. You sat behind me in class, I rolled my eyes because I didn't want to. You were a bully. My bully.

It was like one of those movies where the girl takes off her glasses and reveals she's hot or whatever. Except I don't wear glasses. You just discovered how awesome I am and decided to ask me out.
Z
Again, it's another chick flick how this worked out. The bully asked his bullied to be his girlfriend because she's cool and he has to hang out with her in a class where they become close. Well, that was pretty much what happened. You might tell it another way, but this the just.

I remember the night you asked me out the first time. You did it over Facebook messenger and then 2 days later broke up with me and somebody told me it was a dare. But I knew wasn't.

Also I want to point out, I never really had a crush on you at first I did, but that was after I found out you liked me. And we were close friends so I figured why not give it a shot. Then you told me it was a dare, I was confused, and I spent 5 months trying to understand what happened. But it was never talked about.

I feel like I'm writing a teen novel, but this is completely true. The only think I remember from my first high school year was being your friend and falling more and more for you, and ignoring the face that I liked you because I didn't want to lose your friendship. You had your locker beside mine. You were around me all the time. You were friends with my friends. I was already known as crazy, I didn't want to be know as it again in High school.

Finally in the spring time you asked me out again, and this time you meant it. I remember because it wasn't over text. You actually blocked my locker and handed me a note. It wasn't much better than a text, but I understand that it still took courage, and I applaud you for that.

I never fell in love with you, letter A. I may have said I did, but I really didn't. I was too young to know what love was, and just didn't want to deal with it.

So we dated and it was cool. You broke up with me with the line "our relationship is like a fat guy not working out" and then pretended to not know me. I was sad, but looking back, I know you had your reasons.

I just remember sophomore year, you unblocked me from social media and began to text me again. Of course you had your own agenda. It really hurt me, and you got mad at me for complaining to my friends. Did you ever stop to think how I felt?

But none of that matters. High school you were a dick, and you even said you were. I'm glad you're my friend, or at least we tried. You still mean a lot to me because we have been through so much together. I've always liked you. I've always known you were special to me. We both agreed we will always have what we did those past years, but what sucks is I don't think it means as much to you as it does to me.

I was heartbroken when I asked you to go on a date. You said no, which was probably smart on your part, but still hurt me. Again, I understand your reasons, but I still felt awful afterwords.

Being single has taught me a lot, and one is to not wait around for people. I feel like we both waited around for each other and nothing was ever the right time. Even at our best, there was still issues that got into the way.

Just know this; as long as I am living on this earth, I will always care about you. You will always be special to me, Letter A. You taught me so many things with all the trials and tribulations we went through. And I just want to say thank you.

I understand if you read this why it's weird you're my first letter. Well, you were a lot of firsts for me when I was younger. And I hope one day maybe things work out between us. And if not, cool. But I still will always want to be your friend. It's what we have always been best at.

Love, Emma.