the road to truth

-sorrow

*author's note at the end (: xo*

I awoke the next morning the sun was blazing through the window, making the glass picture frame of Jessie, Alana and I sparkle. I breathed a sigh of relief; knowing that I was home, but relief wasn't what I was feeling. Drew was gone. He was gone. It wasn’t like he was in Florida for a week and was going to come back. It’s not like an old horror film where the boyfriend magically comes back to life.  

I took my covers off, hopped over to the bathroom on one leg and stared at myself in the mirror. My face was pale and blotchy, my hair was greasy and thin and my eyes were red. I lifted up my shirt and saw bruises all over my stomach from where the needles were to feed me through an IV. I pulled my hair back into a messy bun and went downstairs shaking my head. How could I let this happen? I spent so long trying to itch my way onto the social scale, becoming the top. Homecoming Queen elections were tomorrow, and I was definitely going to lose thanks to the effects of my carelessness of that night. But I couldn't even let myself think about that. Homecoming Queen? Was I serious? With all that's happen the election was not a priority right now but...what was then? Drew? Getting over him?

When I got downstairs I was shocked to see an envelope on the granite countertop...adressed to me. I ripped off the tape and plunged my hand into the envelope, pulling out a card. It wasn't a get well card. It wasn't a sweet sixteen invite. But I was definetly being asked to go somewhere. 

I held the black and chesnut colored card in my hands, feeling tears sweel up in my eyes. The piece of paper, had a picture of a guy on it. He was my age and he was wearing a green and white jersey. He held a football inbetween his hands, and his smile glistened. The caption underneath it explained directions to a church downtown. At the very bottom it was signed with the names Chris, Lena, Josh and Susy Maxwell. This wasn't just a card. It was Drew's funeral.

Jason and Ashton came storming in shortly after; sweaty and smelly, causing me to jump and drop the card.

“Hey Liv!” Jason shouted, putting the basketball on the ground.

They then  both stopped short, as they watched me pick up the card that fluttered to the ground.

“Olivia, it came this morning...” but I didn't get a chance to hear the rest of what Ashton was going to say. And honestly I didn't care. I ran up to my room and I closed my door. I sat down at my desk and opened up my laptop, starting  a new Word document. Drew Maxwell... I started writing down everything that I ever felt about him. Everything we did. Everything we shared and heard and saw. It was all the things, I wish I told him before he died.

After two hours of writing, I finally printed out the 20 page novel. It was insane, all the thoughts and feelings poured onto an 8 ½ by 11 inch of paper. But by finally writing it down, I realized that this whole place made it unbearable to think about anything but Drew and the accident. I needed to leave. I needed to go somewhere, where I didn't have to lie and say, 'I'm fine' or 'really I'm okay,' just to get people off my back about what happened, when I was really screaming inside. I was done with Boston. I was done with home because when you feel like you can't escape and your home isn't an option...nothing is.

***

“You look beautiful honey.”

I saw the reflection of my mother appear in the full length mirror as I smoothed by black silk dress. I nodded and gave a little smile, knowing that today wasn't just going to be hard on me, but the rest of the town.

“Come on, we're going to be late.” she said softly, motioning me to come.

I picked up my purse from my bed and put his varsity ring on my finger. Ashton handed me my speech, my 20 page novel condensed into one paragraph, and I was ready to leave. But honestly, I wasn't really ready for anything.