january 6th, 2:37am
dear diary,
To be honest this isn't a diary. It used to be my note book for school but that's not important. It's my diary from now on.
I can't sleep and I think that it's because of my thoughts. My brain keeps brining up the night when Dad left and I really don't want those scenes in my head again. Just thinking of him not being here anymore breaks my heart in two pieces and I feel like it is all my fault. I feel bad. I talked to mom about it and she said that I shouldn't blame myself for him being an asshole but that's just the way I am. The night he went away was probably the worst day of my life. I remember waking up late at night because I heard my parents shouting at each other. I heard things like "I wish I would have never met you" and "You should just leave and never come back" which made me upset so I carefully walked down the stairs into the kitchen. My dad saw me and that was the moment he gave my mom a last look, took his phone and left. I was too shocked to react, to do anything at all. I just heard the door slam. Mom broke down and started crying and right in that moment Jake came down, the noise probably woke him up as well. I didn't know who to comfort first, my mom or my brother. Dad left us in the wrong time. He left a whole family behind. All I could think about is why he did what he did. What was the reason for the fight? To this day, neither Jake or I found out.
It all happened so fast and now, almost 2 years later, I am still not over it. I haven't heard of my father since.
I will try to get rest now.
-neva
