word vomits

utopia

life is a dynamic thing, i realize.

like, nothing ever stays the same.

one day, i was laughing. along with my friends. we would be talking about stupid things, we would annoy other people with how loud our chatter was.

but honestly, none of us cared how much glares we gathered. how much scolds we got from those silly talks.

we basked in that time, sincerely enjoying each other's existence.

we had fun. despite only staying in one place we call school, despite getting bad test scores, we laughed regardless.

it was euphoric. it's just as simple as chatting about our favorite band, or playing silly games in between classes, yet it's as if it's as happy as finding utopia, our naive youth.

a place where our youth belong is, indeed, a utopia.

and suddenly, we reached a point where we had to leave. the future is waiting.

and that utopia has become too small for all of us.

graduation happened. suddenly, the 9th graders are going to be 10th graders.

the old, yellow paint the classroom had has been replaced by an unfamiliar blue.

the yellow has my memories. the blue belongs to someone else. someone who will probably miss it too once it gets replaced by another colour.

in the yellow classroom, we talked over the wooden, worn-down desks.

now those desks are replaced with brand new ones, the smell of coating paint still lingers, despite it already dry.

and our laughters are replaced, too. with silence, and probably the laughters of other kids, who will one day look back to those days in longing, too.

it has been so long since we last met, now. no longer being a middle schooler, we had to decide our path to adulthood.

it just so happen that our paths doesn't cross each other, is all.

like every living things, we grow old. we are forced to leave the glimmering days of our youth, for the sake of the future.

and little by little, we change.

i am no longer a middle schooler. now i'm a high school student, and my friends are, too. but we no longer go to the same school. we no longer study the same thing.

as we encounter different things in life, we no longer talk about the same things we used to talk about.

and i think deep down we miss that. we miss those days, the unchanging days where we all laughed so happily.

"hey, why don't we meet up?"

a question was asked, coming from the feeling of hoping to experience those days again. to feel the happiness we felt back then.

to, hopefully, find utopia once more.

but deep down we all know it will never be the same. even if we go back to the school building and talk there, we all know it will only be as sweet as euphoria. it will end shortly. and we will have to go back to our lives soon. adulthood is waiting, smiling menacingly.

it will never be the same. the memories will stay a memory, and today is a different day.

"sure, let's meet up."

yet an answer was given regardless.

because even though we knew already that it will never be the same again, even though we knew we are no longer the naive middle schooler we once were and today is different to those days, we are the only remains of that utopia.

no matter how much we changed, a small part of utopia stayed inside all of us.

so let's meet up, so i know for sure that those days aren't just a dream. that it really happened, those days where we laughed together.

let's meet each other, so we would remember that utopia existed back then, in our laughs and chatters.