Last Christmas Alone

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a/n: this is a work of fiction. It is also the prequel to the first story on my page! Enjoy!

I told him I wanted to watch the likes roll in on my newest Instagram post of the stunning views during our nature walk. I was looking at my phone, but really I was glancing up through my eyelashes, watching him capture a shot of this serene environment. I drank in his form against the mountain vista. It was almost painful. Is it possible to love someone too much?  The hiatus was already not going well. I know I need to slow down but being in the gaming room with him laughing and let's face it, screaming are the moments I cherish.
Hand in hand, Dan and I descended the trail back to the car. Back to my parents' house. I had a slight twinge of guilt in my heart. It's Christmas and I came home to spend it with them but Dan eclipses my life. In the best ways. It wasn't always like that. I shudder at those thoughts. Dan squeezed my arm gently "Everything okay?" he asked softly.
"Yes, just cold. Let's get warm." I replied and leaned over to the passenger side seat and planted a soft kiss on my true love. Dan put on a playlist and we started to head back. As I looked at the entrance, I realized this is my happy place. The weather was perfect, the views are amazing and Dan is Dan. My everything. I smiled and we drove away.

As we arrived back at the house, we unlocked our hands. Our families are still readjusting to our couple life again. After everything we went through, after almost ten years of ups and downs, we were finally at a place where we found that feeling from so long ago. I think we made the mistake in waiting so long to tell them we reunited.
We sat in the living room with my father and Martyn and my mother walked in. "Oh Dan, you're still here, I thought you be getting to your parents." Kathryn stated.
"Yes, we took a beautiful walk, we'd love to show you the pictures." Dan offered up to break the tension.
"Oh, that would be lovely dear. Phil, I could use your help in the kitchen" Kathryn politely asked.
"Of course" Phil replied. He looked at Dan, slightly deflated from the strange conversation, and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek "I'll just be a moment, love" Phil cooed. Dan smiled and nodded and began a conversation about some tour stories with Phil's father.
In the kitchen, Kathryn began "You came to see us for Christmas, and you know we love Dan, but you've spent the entire time with him. We haven't had time to see you. We haven't seen you all year because of the tour. And you were with Dan the whole time, don't you need a break from each other? Kathryn asked gently. Phil shifted his weight back and forth.
"Mum you know I love him, I always want to be with him. Of course couples have to spend time apart, but I've already had my fill of that once." Phil confidently replied.
"I am so glad you found a way to be happy again, but what about Dan's family? Have they seen him yet? Don't you think it's only fair?" Kathryn tried reasoning with him.
"I suppose so," said Phil quietly. Phil hugged her and they joined everyone in the living room. Phil called Dan away from his conversation with Martyn. Dan excused himself to join Phil in the foyer.
Phil began a speech he really didn't mean. "I thi-, I think you should go spend some time with your family. Like we told the live show. I'm sure they'd love to see you. We've been on tour all year". Phil nervously tried to pull bits from the conversation he just had in the kitchen. Dan looked surprised and mildly upset.
"You don't want to spend Christmas with me?" Dan asked, trying to hide the disbelief in his voice.
"I do, but Dan we live together and get to see each other every day. They don't get that same kindness. I think this is for the best." Phil stated a little more firm in his answer. He didn't want Dan to go at all but he didn't want to alienate his family. Why couldn't his mum see the bond and mended wounds? Did she fear it would happen again and was just trying to protect her son?
"Okay, I'll gather my things together and say goodbye to your family." Dan reluctantly agreed. Phil was heartbroken that he just sent half of his heart away. Dan came out of the house and Phil took his hand.
"I'll take you to the train station and we can have a proper send off." Phil tried to sound playful through the pit in his stomach. "That's not necessary, my Lyft is almost here." Dan's words cut like a knife. The two stood talking for a few moments and the car arrived.
"Well I better be going, I'll see you back home in a few days, I guess. I love you." Dan muttered, nearly hoarse. "I love you too. So much." Phil sweetly said as he embraced Dan and kissed him. It was short, not like normal. Phil knew Dan was upset and so was he. He wanted to please everybody but with his now sour mood, he didn't want to see his family and Dan was gone. He ended up pleasing no one.

Dan arrived at his parents' home and was greeted warmly. They were pleasantly surprised to see him. They believed he would be up North with the Lesters.
"It was a last minute change in plans" Dan said. His parents' returned to their friends in the lounge and Adrian came over to talk to his big brother.
"Are you okay, Daniel? Did something happen?" Adrian inquired. Dan missed Adrian. He was glad to have reconnected with him over the past few months.
"Just the way I left things with Phil was weird, we had an amazing morning hike and all of a sudden, he was pushing me to leave. He didn't seem too keen on the idea but still assertive." Dan replied.
"It does sound out of character, but maybe there's an explanation for it" Adrian offered in hopes to quell the sadness in his brother's tone.
Dan excused himself after settling in. Even though it was still early, he wanted to go to bed. Dan walked into his childhood bedroom and it instantly made him miss Phil even more. It reminded him of when they first met. He grabbed his phone and took to Twitter. He simply tweeted –I now know how the Christmas tree feels-. He saw it explode with likes, retweets, and replies. He responded to a few that were asking if he was okay and he responded kindly. He put his phone down and crawled into bed, wondering what he had done.

Phil got the push notification that Dan had tweeted, Phil was upset Dan didn't let him know he arrived safely like they do. But he knows he deserves it. He hated how he left things and when he saw the tweet referencing their Christmas tree in London, Phil had to make this right. Phil knew for a while what he wanted and needed to do to make that happen. Phil needed Dan to hear him out. Kathryn was startled to see Phil leaving.
"Where are you going, dear? We were just about to play some games." Kathryn knew that was one way to her son's heart.
"Mum, I was wrong to send Dan away. You were wrong to suggest it. I know bag things happened to us. And that nearly killed me. I almost lost my best friend and business partner. We found a way to make things work again. We realized we needed to communicate better and not shut each other out, which is exactly what I'm doing right now.  I brought him home for Christmas not just for me but for all of you. We are a different couple than before. We are more mature and wiser, but right now those qualities aren't showing. I wanted Dan to spend Christmas with our family because he is my family now. He always will be. I have to go tell him that. I have to go right the wrongs, I can't drive away the one person in this world that makes me feel so alive. I love him and he loves me, that's the long and short of it." Phil finished and waited for the cross words for being so blunt.
"Go get him" Kathryn said. "I've never seen you more passionate about anything." And with that Phil was out the door. He had one thing to do before he could properly rectify this situation. Phil arrived to the Howell residence fairly late but he didn't care, he couldn't wait.

He reached for his phone and dialed Dan. Dan had still been awake, unable to sleep. He sighed when he saw Phil's name on his phone screen. He didn't know if he was pissed or relieved he was calling. He answered.
"Hello?" Dan said softy.
"Come outside." Phil said abruptly. Dan was confused.
"Why? Are you here?' Dan's voice perked up at the possibility he would be seeing Phil sooner than later. "Yes, come outside" Phil coaxed. Dan pulled on some shoes and his jacket. He opened the door and there was his Phil standing before him. He wanted to lay into Phil about sending him away and making him feel like this but he hugged him, as hard as he could. Dan buried his face into Phil's chest and breathed him in. It had only been a short time since he arrived at his parents, but it felt like eternity.
"What are you doing here?" Dan asked. Phil looked into Dan's eyes, admiring his facial expressions. Phil had never been so nervous yet so very sure at the same time.
"Dan, I was wrong to send you away. My mum was concerned and a little afraid. Everyone is. We need to stop walking on eggshells. We are together. Better and stronger than ever. We bring out the best in each other, we push and challenge ourselves. Separately we are two ordinary nerds, but together? Oh baby, we are extraordinary. When you came into my life I saw what love is. I felt what love is. And now, I know, without a doubt, what love is. But there's one more thing I need to know, Daniel James Howell, will you marry me?" Phil concluded, tears welling slowly. He pulled out a black velvet box and opened it to display a black onyx Cartier wedding band.
Dan stood there, tears already stained his face, trying to produce any sort of movement or sound. He finally reached out and cupped Phil's face in his hands. He kissed him, with passion and fervor. Dan was biting his lower lip and looking into Phil's eyes. He regained breathing and composure and just said three little words, "Yes, I will."

The two embraced, excited for what's to come.

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⏰ Last updated: Dec 24, 2018 ⏰

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