Little bird

Taking flight 1

I can't seem to remember the last time I felt sad. So sad to where I couldn't eat or sleep. Where all I could do is think and just overwhelm myself. The last time I felt that way was when I was 6 and my grandmother had made me angry. I forget what silly thing that made me say those words, but I will always remember how I felt and the sinking feeling when my grandfather told me that grandma had gotten into a car crash that day on her way to the store. I didn't wait to ask if she was okay or what happened. I instantly started crying and saying sorry to the sky hoping my grandmother would hear me. My grandfather didn't know what to do. He had told me that she was alright over and over again, but I just cried.

I cried off and on till the next day when my grandfather decided to take us to the hospital to see her. It was early so I was still in my pajamas that I was forced into the night before. Once we got there all I was able to do was hiccup and whimper. It was as if my tears had ran out and al that was left was a puffy little face and a runny nose that my grandfather would constantly lean over and wipe with a rough tissue.

Once we got to the decent hospital, I was terrified. I had it in my head that this is the last time I would see her. That this was good bye. I hugged my grandfathers neck, snuggling my stuffy nose into his neck as he carried me into the hospital.

"Grandmas alright." My grandfather whispered soothingly, making his way through the hospital.

"But tha-that's what-what," I whimpered," that's what eve-everyone said abo-about mommy an-and daddy." I said through sniffles.

"Oh dear." He whispered more to himself than me. He tightened his grip around me. I hugged him tightly back with my little arms.

Once we got to my grandmothers room I was ready to pass out in my grandfathers arms. Then I saw her. Perfectly okay. She had some sort of huge white sock on her left leg, other than that and a few scratches and bruises, she was fine.

My grandfather set me to the ground gently and I found myself running to my grandmother. I hugged her for dear life and she hugged my little body back with a 'Oomf' and picked my up so I was lying beside her on the white bed with the thin napkin like blankets. I instantly started crying in her arms. I repeated sorry so many times that I ran out of breath. I told her I loved her and I was stupid for ever telling her otherwise.

She simply hugged me with a smile. A few tears escaped her worn blue eyes and I found myself In her small arms dozing off knowing she was alright. The lack of food and sleep pushed back my urges to stay awake and ask questions like I usually would have.

"My little bird." She whispered, brushing my dark brown hair out of my face."Never quit flying."

"I'm sorry grandma...but my flying days are over." I said to myself.

I stared down at the streets of New York City. I could see my white breath in front of me when I exhaled deeply. Today is December 1st. The day my life ends.

I shivered uncontrollably and before I could stop my self and think my way out of it, I pushed myself on top of the ledge. I stood there for a good 20 seconds before deciding to sit down letting my legs dangle off the 700 foot tall hotel building.

The sadness I felt at this moment was the same feeling the day my grandma broke her leg, but 10 times more painful.

This feeling came out of nowhere. I just can't stop thinking about what I could have changed. What I could have said or did differently. My grandmother died a year ago. She died from skin cancer and I don't think I could ever be as sad as I was that day, but I'm sad. I hate myself. I'm alone. My grandfather is in a home with all-timers and barely recognizes me. While most of my family lives 7 hours away and has never had one thought to get connection to me. After my grandmother passed away I think everyone drifted away. I'm 19 and I'm alone.

I'm a substitute music teacher and I'm still finishing up college, but I feel numb. I feel as if giving up is the only solution left for me. I know that it sounds stupid and I'm giving up a life someone else would want. I just don't want to live at all. I don't feel any reason to keep breathing, other than the fact that my body demands me to.

So here I am. Skylar Williams. Ready to meet death and embrace him with a hug. I see a few people under me staring up and soon a cop car shows up. I sit there with no emotion on my face. I just feel done.

I began to stand up knowing I should do what I have to do, before someone decides to come up and try to coax me out of my decision.

I turn around because the last thing I would like to see is strangers around me. I put my arms out like a I'm trying to balance on a rope. I close my eyes breathing in the cold dry air and slowly letting it out. I felt my light jacket on my shoulders and I could hear almost everything. It felt as if I was in a dream and nothing could hurt me.

"This is my last flight." I paused,"As a little bird."