Depression and the way it kills me

End

It's the end of the year and I feel like I didn't reached anything this year. 
I mean:
-I still don't got a normal job
-Couldn't stay in a relationship
-Still live with my mother
....
Yeah, there are so many people with life's that are more worse than mine, but I feel like I couldn't handle my life anymore...

Anyways...

It's the end of the year 2018 and my 20. Birthday coming near.
I should be happy about that, right?
Well...
I ain't...
'Cause I don't know how I should celebrate a birth I didn't want? Why should I celebrate my life, when this isn't life?

"From the first day of living, we start dying.
So this isn't life...
This is death"

Well... Totally right I think.

Yeah.... Let's see if I celebrate my birthday and if I celebrate the end of the year 2018...

Soooo... wish you the best lads and lady's ❤
Lots of love to ya❤