Adopted By One Direction

Alone Once Again

August 13, 2014: New Habitat 1:52AM
Dear Journal,
I just got adopted. I'm scared. I think I can trust him. He hasn't hurt me yet. That thought scares me. Wish me luck!
Love,
Rachel
*****
I'm just in my ugly bedroom thinking and writing what I've done wrong. Why do I deserve to be tossed around like a toy? I went through dad, John, Philip, and Bemlin. They just showed me I can't trust a single man and show me I'm worthless and to cut again. My mom was so kind. But my dad is too. I showed him the love he needed. His parents must have been the same. Now he is who he is now. But I turned his anger into love. I showed him the love that he needed. But he still did damage. I was left alone lying to the police saying my mom will be here any minute. My dad escaped 3 days after that. We moved houses. He treats me with kind. But when I disobey, he will punch.

I felt a little more happy, but I'm still depress. I don't cut anymore. But John, Philip and Bemlin surely showed me that I will never be loved. My dad is better. He is back in jail but I'm kinda sad he left. I just stare out the window.

My mom really showed love. My dad showed some care. I am loved. But my dad commit suicide 1 month after being put in jail for the 2nd time.

I just watch kids play. They believe in love. I use to. Mom and dad keeps me going. I believe dad's words were before he killed himself were, "I will see mommy and be happy with her."

I cried. He got it on tape. I will always love mom and dad. I don't trust anyone anymore. You get hurt. That's it! I had been hurt enough. Hurt and raped by three men! I will never forget it. Before dad was taken to jail for the 2nd time, he whispered in my ear, "I'm sorry I hurt you."

I shall forgive, but never forget. I go to write in my journal. My journal is my best friend. It knows all my secrets. From my kind, loving dad to all the guys who adopted me.

August 23, 2014: Orphan Room 7:29PM
Dear Journal,
Yep! I got send back! That's another man in jail! Some guy past by and picked the girl that was 1 year younger than me! I'm 12! I ain't that old! Am I? So yeah, I'm a little-- okay, very angry. I have gone through so much. I don't know how I'm alive. My life sucks. Yours don't! You just listen to my problems and hang under my pillow. You're lucky. I'm not. I've been abused, raped, cut and almost killed!
Love,
Rachel

"Rachel! You have to get out of there! Someone is here!" Karen, the worker, yells. She is a total bitch. She hates me and vise versa.
"Ok!" I yell sloping down the stairs. All the children line up. From youngest to oldest. He stares at me. He actually looks nice. I smile. He smiles back. He picks the girl on my right which is two months younger than me. She smiles. He twirls her up in the air. Her giggles make me want to slap a ho! I run upstairs to my room for the third time today. I go to continue my journal with tears in my eyes.

August 23, 2014: Orphan Room
Dear Journal,
So yeah. A second guy got a girl 2 months younger than me! Yep! Im too old for people. I shouldn't have trust the two guys. Even if you only met them for a second, they will mistake your personality. There is more than meets the eye.
Love,
Rachel

I'm alone, once again.