Hey look I'm still alive.
And barely functioning
If anyone is curious this is the shit that has happened to me in the last 6 months or so:
-school started and oh dear god it's killing me this year (also I'm doing art this year and ahahahaha i have no confidence in anything, i'm lucky if i end up passing it)
-still with girlfriend and i'm still so in love with her. she's amazing. and great. and just fantastic and god i'm pathetic
-i got diagnosed with a new disorder so hooray! I'm more fucked up then you originally thought. I be collecting disorders like I'm a 12 year old boy heavily into football cards. Also i have no idea how to deal with this disorder, it's called depersonalisation / derealization disorder ( dp/dr) and it basically means I have instances where I'm dealing with out of body experiences and feel like I'm not in control of my body. Oh and gaps in my memory. Once, in the middle of a panic attack, I tried to recall what I did during the day and for the life of me I could not remember what I did or what I had during the first two periods and that just made my panic attack v worse.
that was a trip.
oh and my favourite thing ever, my psychiatrist told me to 'be present' when i asked how to deal with it.
that's the same as telling me the way to fix my depression is to be happy. Anywho-
-our group of friends kinda left us so my fear of abandonment is at an all time high (i knew we were gonna drift apart because zo and I are doing one pathway (IB) and they're all doing another (A levels) so yeah)
-I'm volunteering at a mental health movement group thing so that's an experience all in itself
-i'm looking at unis and just questioning everything i had originally planned and now i dont even know if i want to major in art buuuut i need some form of structure after school otherwise i'm going to fall in to an intense existential crisis
-started writing/planning a fantasy book
-started playing dnd and i has created a dark elf bounty hunter (sub class of ranger) who has a gambling problem and it's great.
-i've been doing alot of art in my free time (trying desperately to get a social media presence so i can get money from selling prints and stuff later please follow me on insta @katecs7, please)
- i have received many art things this christmas and i'm v happy, also i got some philosophy books on cynicism (because i do philosophy and the father of cynicism is my favourite person; his name is Diogenes and he cracks me up)
Aaaand yeah that's about it.
Now I'm going to post the first chapt of my fantasy book because I can and want to and i really want to share it i'm sorry
Also warning; i'm not done with editing it yet so yeah
___
The hand kept moving, signalling off each minute that past. It's ticking filling the silence that resides in the nearly empty, and incredibly bland, interrogation room.
Three people are present here, utilizing the room in a very inactive way as they sit there in tense silence. Not a word escapes them to break the monotonous ticking, the sound just substantiating the stiff atmosphere that has been created. Two of the three people sits before the one, a pristine metal table with runes engraved into it being the only thing between them that is more tangible than their hostile energy.
